Waiter: Good afternoon. What can I get for you ma’am?

Condi: I’d like some ice cream. What flavors do you have?

Waiter: We have vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, banana and coffee.

Condi: I’d like a scoop of the vanilla, please.

Waiter: Would you like some whipped cream on that?

Condi: That sounds great.

Waiter: How about a cherry on top?

Condi: Excellent; thanks.

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Waiter: Good afternoon. What can I get for you ma’am?

Susan: I’d like some ice cream. What flavors do you have?

Waiter: We have vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, banana and coffee.

Susan: Racist!

Waiter: Excuse me? What in heaven’s name are you talking about?

Susan: You know damned well what I’m talking about. You listed the vanilla ice cream, the white ice cream, before the ice creams of color!

Waiter: (Sigh) Whatever you say, ma’am. What flavor would you like?

Susan: Chocolate, of course.

Waiter: Would you like some whipped cream on that?

Susan: There you go again! Are you a KKK member, or something?

Waiter: I only asked you if you wanted whipped cream on your ice cream.

Susan: Code! You’re using racist code words! You think I don’t understand what you mean by “whipped?” You’re making a reference to beating slaves, and you know it. I damned sure know it!

Waiter: Ma’am, I assure you that I meant nothing of the kind. I was merely referring to a dessert topping. Speaking of which, would you like a cherry on top?

Susan: That does it! Another dog whistle, racist code word right there. “Cherry?” That’s a code word suggesting sexually promiscuity? You’re saying that black women are sexually promiscuous. You wouldn’t dare say that to a white woman.

Waiter: Ma’am, I’m afraid that I’m going to have to ask you to leave.

Susan: I’m not leaving until I speak with the manager about his hiring of rabid racists. Call your manager over here right now!

Waiter: I own the business, and, another thing. I built it myself.

Susan: You know what your problem is? Your problem is that you hate women of color.

Waiter: No. My problem is that I hate women of assholery. Now leave!

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UPDATE: As a public service, we at the House by the Parkway are pleased to provide you with a Politically Correct Guide to Racism for Idiots. (via Doug Ross)