Fartwa!
I see that radical Muslims who are offended by cartoons have taken to burning buildings and engaging in other forms of violent protest, which have resulted in the deaths of about a dozen people so far. Imams are busy issuing fatwas that call for the killing of those responsible for offending their sensibilities.
Well, let me tell you that sometimes my sensibilities are offended as well. However, because I live in a relatively civilized country, I don’t have the option of issuing fatwas calling for the death of people who have managed to deliver unto me a case of the ass on any given day. I, therefore, have decided that, henceforth, I will be issuing fartwas, which call for bowel windage to be directed at such people.
As such, I am issuing the following two fartwas:
Rev. Joseph Lowery. Reverend Lowery (Is he an Al Sharpton – type Reverend, or does he have a church somewhere?) took advantage of the memorial service for Coretta Scott King to take a couple political shots at the President, who sat with Mrs. Bush on the stage behind Reverend Lowery. He said, “We know now there were no weapons of mass destruction over there, but Coretta knew and we knew that there are weapons of misdirection right down here.â€
“Reverend†my ass.
Former President Jimmy Carter: Jimah, the worst president in my lifetime, also opted to play politics to the crowd at Mrs. King’s memorial service when he referred to Dr. and Mrs. King as having been the target of “secret government wiretapsâ€. This brought the Bush-hating hooping and hollering audience to its feet. Speaking of “misdirection,†Jimah failed to mention to the hooters and hollerers that the wiretapping of Dr. and Mrs. King was the work of the Kennedys (Bobby, the Attorney General and his brother Jack, the President) and Lyndon Johnson, all bright stars in the democrat galaxy.
So, if you have the occasion to be in the presence of either of these two ill-mannered swine, turn your posterior toward their general direction and fart proudly.
James, you may have started something bigger than you can imagine. The one thing these pootadeens can’t abide is being laughed at. Well said and well done. Let’s all stock up on Bush Baked Beans and blow the assholes away.
Comment by Sluggo — February 8, 2006 @ 11:17 pm
I mention farts in the comments, and it comes to this. Me and my big ideas. Can I swipe a copy of the picture?
Comment by Mike Anderson — February 8, 2006 @ 11:26 pm
Fartwas? No, the plural of Fartwa should be Fartāwa. However, since Wikipedia can’t even keep it straight, it works for me.
A Fatwa is an opinion based on larger Islamic law. It stands to reason that a Fartwa is an opinion based on the fact that Fatāwa is really bullshit dressed up in fancy clothing.
Comment by Dan — February 9, 2006 @ 3:48 am
I shall make sure to fart in their general directions.
Comment by Contagion — February 9, 2006 @ 9:07 am
Excellent idea… of course I’ve wanted to blow one in Jimah’s direction for years. I can’t stand that man – he makes Clinton look downright normal – now there’s a scary thought.
Comment by Teresa — February 9, 2006 @ 4:06 pm
I’m gonna steal this idea. And your little picture, toooooooooo….
Comment by Acidman — February 9, 2006 @ 5:27 pm
Boy, I hate it when people have the gall to address the politics of a political activist at their funeral.
Carter was worse than Nixon? I guess I’ll take your word for it.
Oop, sorry, I had Mexican for lunch.
Comment by Rob Matsushita — February 13, 2006 @ 11:53 am
“…address[ing] the politics of a political activist”?
What a quaint way to describe that performance, which had absolutely nothing to do with Coretta King’s political activism and everything to do with taking a political shot at the President. Political shots are, of course, fine, but in this instance the speakers in question violated the “time and place rule,” something most people understand, having been so-taught by their parents.
And, yes, Carter was way worse than Nixon.
Comment by Jim - Parkway Rest Stop — February 13, 2006 @ 2:24 pm