Telemarketers.
I am sporting a case of brain-fry at the moment, so I thought I would pass along something that my friend Brian, the Air Force Vet, sent to me. I have no idea if it’s a true story (I couldn’t find it on Snopes), but even if isn’t true, it’s pretty funny. Here ’tis:
DEALING WITH TELEMARKETERS
The phone rang as I was sitting down to my evening meal, and as I answered it I was greeted with “Is this Karl Brummer”. Because that didn’t sound anything like my name, I asked who is calling. The telemarketer said he was with The Rubber Band Powered Freezer Company or something like that. Then I asked him if he knew Karl personally and why was he calling this number. I then said, off to the side, “get some pictures of the body at various angles and the blood smears”. I then turned back to the phone and advised the caller that he had entered a murder scene and must stay on the line, because we had already traced this call, and he would be receiving a summons to testify in this murder case.
I questioned the caller at great length as to his name, address, phone number at home, at work, who he worked for, how he knew the dead guy and could he prove where he had been about one hour before he made this call. The telemarketer was getting very concerned and his answers were given in a shaky voice. I then told him we had located his position and the police were entering the building to take him into custody. At that point I heard the phone fall and the scurrying of his running away.
My wife asked me as I returned to our table why I had tears streaming down my face and so help me, I couldn’t tell her for about fifteen minutes. My meal was cold, but it was the best meal in a long, long time.
Wonderful!! May I use it?
Comment by MCPO Airdale — March 9, 2006 @ 8:45 pm
I worked with a guy who loved to play with telemarketeers. He actually looked forward to them calling him. Now that I got voice caller ID, I very seldom answer, but another fun trick is to tell them to hold on and then walk away. Heh. Heh. Heh. You’ll know when they hang up.
Comment by Denny — March 9, 2006 @ 10:28 pm
It is hard to get in a word with them sometimes they are very practiced at getting through their spiel.
I find answering the phone in russian throws them for a loop. 😉
Allo (close enough to english to find out who is calling.)
Prostiti Yah nee ponamaioo Angleeski yazeek vwi govarette po-rooski?
Comment by Dan Kauffman — March 10, 2006 @ 12:02 am
ROTF that’s good!
Mike often talks to telemarketers in whatever language that is the ‘natives’ on the old Tarzan movies use. “Ji-wanna wanna timba!” certainly gets a hang-up pretty quickly.
Comment by rita — March 10, 2006 @ 4:35 am
That is pretty good. If they mangle our last name (which they invariably do), I tell them that no one of that neam lives here and hang up. I’ve never gotten a call back when I use that line.
I have also told telemarketers, when they have asked for the Wonderful Spouse, that “He’s not here, could I take a message?” When they go on to ask when a better time to call and talk to him is, I answer “Five to seven”. They will ask AM or PM, to which I reply, “years.”. At the stunned silence, I tell them he is in jail. At that, they can’t wait to get off the phone and assure me that they will update their records (which apparently they do because we don’t get repeat calls from them).
Comment by bogie — March 10, 2006 @ 7:40 am
I say nothing except “Don’t you EVER call here again, & put us on the Do Not Call list.” Click.
I’m friendly that way.
Comment by dogette — March 10, 2006 @ 10:52 am