Brain Farts.
1. Memo to New York Drivers: When driving on a New Jersey Highway (We don’t call them “Freeways†or “Interstatesâ€) and you have been passed on the right by two cars, or, in the alternative, passed by one car in which the driver gave you the stink eye or the finger), MOVE THE F**K TO THE RIGHT! How many stink eyes and fingers do I have to give to you maroons? Besides, it’s the goddamned law in this state. Where the hell is a state trooper when you need one?
2. At a blogmeet a few years ago, my pal and, first-class babe, Bou, mentioned that she had played the flute in high school, but that she didn’t play anymore. Of course, back then, I thought that she took the obligatory “instrument†in high school for a year, learned how not to horribly stink and then moved on. Little did I know that she played in one goddamned national award-winning high school band. Go listen. Holy cannoli!
3. Doesn’t it strike you as odd that the mainstream media has managed to all but ignore the videos of ACORN people offering to help people set up a prostitution ring comprised of under-aged-illegal aliens and to evade income taxes, while at the same time exhausting every conceivable angle from and squeezing every single drop from the Joe Wilson (“You lie!â€) story? Actually, that was a rhetorical question.
4. The glut of “Buy gold NOW†commercials I hear on the radio is somewhat unsettling, but I guess that’s the idea.
5. Anyone who managed to successfully complete fifth grade arithmetic knows (or damned well should know) that it is impossible – yes, IMPOSSIBLE, to parachute 47 million 30 million people into the healthcare system, all of whom will have access to “free†healthcare, and not have it negatively impact the system. Pay for it with “doing away with waste†in Medicare and Medicaid? I could piss my pants laughing. The problem is, there is nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.
6. If explosive, debilitating diarrhea could be a human being, it would be Maxine Waters. People actually voted for this idiot?
7. Memo to Scotland: Bourbon is better.
8. Memo to Ireland: Bourbon is better.
9. Memo to Mark Lloyd: Kiss my ass.
10. Memo to Jon Corzine: Adios.
You should visit Arizona. On much of the highways the speed limit is 75 MPH. And in most of the Phoenix area they drive that fast anyway. So when you merge don’t merge at 38 F*****G miles per hour.
Comment by Azygos — September 17, 2009 @ 12:29 am
I’ve got news for you. (1) applies to a whole lot more places than just Jersey/NY.
I’m more of a rum person, so 7/8 don’t much matter to me.
Otherwise, what you said for 3, 4, 5, 6, and 9.
Comment by Dave Merriman — September 17, 2009 @ 12:35 am
I could NEVER drive in New York. Seriously. It’s what nightmares are made of in my book. As a matter of fact I once dreamt that I was driving down some country road, popped over a hill and was suddenly in the middle of Manhattan. I stopped and cried whilst everyone blew their horns and cursed me. Then a NY cop came over and told me to get out. I couldn’t. My hands were gripping the wheel, my foot had the brake all the way to the floor and I was frozen in fear. Then the cop pulled out a gun and shot me. True story. Well, true dream. Anyway, I’d be one of those people you’d give a big ole’ stink eye/finger to in New Jersey I’m sure. Or rather, more than likely, someone would shoot me.
Comment by Laura — September 17, 2009 @ 6:04 am
You funny, Hairboy. Of New Jersey drivers, to paraphrase the late Phil Hartman, us New Yorkers have chunks of guys like you in our stool. We swallow youse alive on the road for sport.
Also, I think once round one of explosive, debilitating Maxine Waters is over, round two — the rumbling, cramping, foreboding knowledge of what’s coming, the monumental toilet splashing, and the excruciating ring sting afterward — is Cynthia McKinney.
Perhaps we should put into practice dedicating our BMs to the individual despicable members of Congress much like how we name stars, planets and periodic elements.
Comment by Erica — September 17, 2009 @ 7:14 am
1-Drove in Manhatan twice. (Once was by mistake coming home from Shea and my wife got an ear full for that one! Who knew you have to follow the signs for New England to get to the GW?) Visited some relatives on 82nd after crossing at the Lincoln Tunnel and driving north on the east side. I walked into their apartment, they took one look at me and handed me the bottle of Scotch.
10-What’s the odds of a Torrecelli move by the Dems?
Comment by joated — September 17, 2009 @ 8:00 am
Just a thought, but isn’t exceeding the posted speed limit in New Jersey also against the law?
I’m trying to decide who is guiltier, the slow poke, or the nascar driver passing on the right.
What is blacker, the kettle or the pot?
Just saying….
Comment by Little Willie — September 17, 2009 @ 1:34 pm
Hey Willie……I think the best way to decide who is guiltier is for bennies to just stay in NY and then the decision becomes all that much easier.
Attention to NY tourists who foolishly think we “need” them. WROOOOOOONG!!! Enough of your bennie kin have moved down here so that instead of your tourist dollars we are simply taking your property tax dollars. The upside is the tax base goes up the down side is the bennies never go home.
It is inevitable cruising down the Parkway and you come up on some shmuck doing 50 in the left lane and the offending dooshbag has NY tags.
Comment by RobbieRob — September 17, 2009 @ 3:13 pm
Re: 3.
What amazes me is that mainstream media manages to brag about the ‘Substantial increase’ in campaign money which is now going to Joe Wilson’s competition, but they fail to mention just how much more he has been getting in donations now since his outburst.
Slanted? Just a tad.
Comment by Dave S. — September 17, 2009 @ 5:59 pm
Re: 1
All of you NY & NJ drivers have nothing at all to cry and whine about. When I drive down I-684, I-287 & the Garden State Pkwy, I am thrilled and how polite you all are when driving. CT drivers are bad and the half wit drivers from MA are some of the worst I have ever seen. Crossing back into CT is like going back into the asylum.
Comment by Michael in CT — September 17, 2009 @ 8:29 pm
I am not sure about NYC driver`s….my thoughts as to the worst drivers are …….anybody who drives in Chicago, all cars there are old & damaged beyond repair after a year or less, taxicab`s take less of a beating. Or the retired folk in Florida who seem to think they are at the control`s of a locomotive when tooling down the highway….. some times even on the right side of the street/road.
I restricted my rating`s to domestic, I understand that Muslim Extremist Suicide Bombers are afraid to be on the highways & streets of any city in Pakistan in a vehicle.
Comment by dudley1 — September 18, 2009 @ 7:47 am
7. Memo to PRS: no it’s not
Comment by Don — September 18, 2009 @ 10:57 am
I totally agree with numbers 6 and 10. In fact, number six is the best description I’ve heard of Ms. Waters, yet. Kudos!
Comment by RT — September 18, 2009 @ 10:09 pm
Those NY drivers drive down here in the winter months. I hate it. They make me insane. Honestly, I heard one of them say, that if the speedlimit is 55, then they are doing 55 in the middle or left lane because that is the speedlimit and nobody should be doing more than that. Self righteous? Good Grief.
Band was good memories. I just hope my kids have good memories with the music they make.
As for the healthcare system, what nobody is taking into consideration is what is going to happen when half the doctors spontaneously get out of the field due to it. Do people really think the average doctor is going to tolerate this? They’ll do early retirement. Oh yes. And then you won’t have anyone WANTING to go into medicine to fill their shoes and we’ll have a doctor shortage. I see dead people.
Comment by Bou — September 19, 2009 @ 10:50 pm