Two Cans of Peas.
Dogette, in a comment to this post, asked what was going on with canned peas. I take such questions seriously, particularly when they come from Dogette. Accordingly, I made a special stop at the supermarket tonight to listen in, and here’s what I heard. It ain’t pretty, Peeps.
Le Sueur Peas: Hello there, mon ami.
Regular Old Canned Peas: Huh? What is this mon ami shit?
Le Sueur Peas: We’re French, Bro. Check out the label: “Le Sueur.â€
Regular Old Canned Peas: Yo, I have a serious case of the ass with France and with French people.
Le Sueur Peas: Why is that?
Regular Old Canned Peas: Glad you asked. Here’s the short list. Your language, although loved by many, when spoken, sounds like someone is puking; your sidewalks are covered with dog shit; your average woman has hairy armpits and putrid body odor; you make very shitty cars; you regularly surrender to Germans and whomever feels like kicking your asses at any given time; Americans rescued your sorry asses a couple times and yet, to this day, you pretend not to understand us when we try to speak your rotten language. How’s that?
Le Seur Peas: I figure that you’re just bitter, because our President has a hot wife and your President’s wife looks like a Yeti who always looks like she was dressed by a blind person, or someone who celebrates Halloween every day.
Regular Old Canned Peas: OK, ya got me.
The End.
….sir, The Gummint is reading your blog…. you know that, right?…..
Comment by Eric — November 6, 2009 @ 10:34 pm
I expect Jimbo and Suzette to suddenly disappear in the night with no warning… only a wide black belt, small button front sweater, and large clownlike tennis shoes on the floor to show they were not alone.
Of course at Suzette’s place I fully expect I will also see a ping pong ball with an eye painted on it and a cigarette on the floor…
Later I expect the MSM to release stories about how they were dangerous tax evaders who attacked Mo with their Bibles as she tried to sell them hula-hoops. You see she was showing school kids everywhere how to sell door to door in order to contribute to Obamacare.
Comment by Teresa — November 6, 2009 @ 11:52 pm
Yo, your shit is whack, and that’s all I got to say.
[/blame it on the ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-alcohol]
Comment by Erica — November 7, 2009 @ 1:55 am
Suzette’s “ping pong ball with an eye painted on it” is STILL cracking me up. I see I’m not the only one. DAMN that is funny shit.
Meanwhile, over a Canned Pea World, nice job Jimbo! I appreciate you catering to my WHIMS. I really do. But I worry about you. Like Eric, said, there’s a red light blinking next to your name in some bigass database-dot-gov.
Your post raises more questions though, at least, in my mind. What of our friends the FROZEN BAGS OF PEAS? Where do they fit in? What are their opinions? Are their voices not heard? Who will give voice to the FROZEN PEA BAGS? If not you, then who?
Comment by dogette — November 7, 2009 @ 9:07 am
Jimbo, vegetables talking to vegetables?…cans talking to cans?……sounds like a Blodgmeet!!!!
Comment by Yabu — November 7, 2009 @ 10:26 am
You do know that the current white house imposter has a secret gator raising facility. I am not sure what they plan on doing with trained zombie gators but I am thinking a few bloggers might come up missing.
Comment by James Old Guy — November 7, 2009 @ 10:46 am
I have some cousins who live in Le Sueur, MN aka the “Valley of the Jolly Green Giant”. It always sounded like French for “the sewer” to me.
Comment by Jerry in Indiana — November 7, 2009 @ 11:29 am
I like a twofer….Got France & the Messiah`s Yeti all in one post …..AllRight!
Comment by dudley1 — November 7, 2009 @ 2:04 pm
I dated a French guy once. His accent got on my last fucking nerve so I dumped him. Fact.
Comment by Laura — November 7, 2009 @ 3:33 pm
For a good (southern) time, try the Safeway brand of canned black eyed peas. Not as good as fresh snaps, but the best canned black eyed peas I’ve had north or Oklahoma.
Comment by Carl Brannen — November 7, 2009 @ 8:10 pm
I grew up know’em as english peas. Don’t really know why but I do like’em. Only best way to eat peas is with mashed potatoes. Plop down a big wad of mashed potatoes on your plate and form a crater-like hole in the middle of the pile of spuds. Then fill the hole with the peas. Fork up the potatoes and the peas will stick to the spuds as you scoff’em down. Beats chasing the round little bastards all over the plate with a fork. Crazy maybe….but it works for me.
Comment by Tbird — November 7, 2009 @ 8:50 pm
…. I have to disagree with Tbird….. there is no reason to eat peas at all… and if there is a “best” way to eat peas – fresh OR frozen – it is while one is in a highly drunken state…….. peas suck….
Comment by Eric — November 7, 2009 @ 11:02 pm
…. actually, this reminds me of a joke that I heard one time…… I think that the joke began with “how do you catch a polar bear?”……
…. “well, you cut a hole in the ice…… a small hole…… and then you carefully arrange fresh peas all around the edge of the hole that you had cut in the ice…….. and then, you wait…… sooner or later, the bear will come to take a pea….. and when he does, you just kick him in the icehole.”……
Comment by Eric — November 7, 2009 @ 11:31 pm
WTF????
Comment by kc — November 7, 2009 @ 11:38 pm
Mixing moonshine and scotch is not a good thing.
Comment by james old guy — November 8, 2009 @ 8:13 am
Eric, how can you say peas suck?? You’ve never had my pea salad, that I make by putting all the ingredients in a sealed container, and then rapidly rotating it so everything mixes! C’mon Eric! Try real hard! Think about those spinning peas!
Eric!! Visualize Whirled Peas!!
Comment by El Capitan — November 9, 2009 @ 1:19 pm