Shitty Regulations.
Recognize this? I suspect you do. It is, of course, a plunger – sometimes known as a “plumber’s helper.â€
When I was a kid, we had one just like it, but it was not often seen. In fact, it was kept in the basement, as it was so infrequently needed – and when needed it was almost always the result some foreign matter having found its way into the toilet. That was back in the days when we had toilet tanks that held enough water to actually flush away the typical volume of shit solid waste. Those were also the days when the federal government was not terribly interested in dictating the size of every farookin’ toilet tank in the United States.
Now, the federal government’s tentacles have reached into everyone’s bathroom to mandate the amount of water per flush. Ostensibly, the Toidy Police took this intrusive measure to save water and therefore the goddamned planet. I must admit that I have been unable to find the provision in the Constitution that makes my toilet bowl the business of the United States Government.
Their lack of constitutional authority notwithstanding, the regulations are not saving water and are downright shitty – pun intended. What the regulations have accomplished is the regular need to use Mr. Plunger to flush away the waste that defies the federally-mandated shot glass sized flush. As such, the once basement-hidden plunger now occupies a prominent spot next to Mr. Commode. The plunger’s new visibility has been a boon to the plunger industry (Plunger industry? Who knew?), in that everyone now needs a plunger that is dolled up or camouflaged so as not to look like a plunger.
Of course, it is possible that my need for multiple flushes and regular plunger plungage is unique, and the real problem is that I am simply full of shit.
Mortified as I am to confess this on the Internet, electronic archivist for all of my dumb comments forever, but my bright orange, accordion-shaped plunger occupies a prominent space next to Mr. Commode and is utilized at least tri-weekly… possibly more… because one can barely flush a sheet of single-ply Scott without needing to resort to a heavy duty plunging session. Really freakin’ douchey, if you ask me.
Comment by Erica — March 1, 2013 @ 11:42 pm
Reason 4,345 why I will keep my 40 year old American Standard toilet running as long as possible. Easily rebuilt and works like a charm….every time.
Comment by JerseyJerry — March 2, 2013 @ 1:25 pm
Well congress did make up for that mistake by making sure we have to buy expensive light bulbs that you need a hazmat team to cleanup if you break one.
Comment by James Old Guy — March 3, 2013 @ 9:30 am
OK. Long comment.
When we first bought our home 17 years ago, we had the new low flush commodes. The plunger was always used. I was horrified when one time, Bones ran through the house, swinging plunger overhead because he wanted the job. I still cringe at the thought… being a bit of a germ phobe that I am.
Four years ago we redid our bathroom. My husband spent HOURS on the internet researching commodes that give the best flush. People have youtube videos on this sh–. No sh–. They sprinkle pepper in the bowl and the test which one cleans the bowl. Then they have these gel filled tubes that they pack the commode full to see if they all flush.
Hours he spent.
So we ended up buying one that he saw good ratings on, and we’ve not used a plunger since in that room or the commode we recently replaced in the kids’ room. We probably haven’t used our plunger in two years.
It depends on the commode. All flushes are not created equal…
That said, the government needs to stay out of my home.
Comment by Bou — March 4, 2013 @ 8:27 pm
When I saw your inquiry abouy the constitutional basis for the federal regulations governing toilet water flow ,I contacted two prominent shitheads who are self proclaimed constitutional law experts .Nancy Pelosi said it is the general welfare clause ,but Maxine Waters said it is the necessary and proper clause .I am waiting for that professor emeritus Obama ,also a certified shithead , to say which shithead is correct .
Comment by john — March 4, 2013 @ 9:01 pm
Slightly off topic but…… there is a comic strip called “Herman” & yesterday there was one with him sitting at the dining table reading a newspaper & saying”Can you please be a little more quiet while you are eating?”…in the back ground his wife was using a plunger to unclog the drain on the kitchen sink!
Well I thought it was funny1
Comment by dudley1 — March 5, 2013 @ 9:14 am
Dudley1, so strange that you mentioned Herman — one of my favorite comic strips. Not only have I had this Herman cartoon taped to my bathroom wall for around 12 years, I only found out yesterday evening that the cartoon’s creator, Jim Unger, died last year — something I discovered by accident after a fitness page I follow on Facebook posted a Herman cartoon. Viva la Herman!
Comment by Erica — March 6, 2013 @ 10:24 am
Although I am seriously contemplating a composting toilet
system, I will be hard pressed to get rid of my 1953 American Standard. Partly because we were made in the same year, but it is, if not just an excellent flusher, capable of taking on tasks associated not with modern man, but with those wrought by distant cave dwelling troglodytes whose diet might have consisted of raw meat and bone and other questionable comestibles, it also offers amusement with each flush… when the handle is pushed, it’s a race to lower the lid and get out of the way, as the Venturi effect created by the movement of an unspeakable amount of water from the tank causes such an effect that a sploosh, not unlike that had by dropping a brick straight down into a swimming pool, will erupt like some black water Vesuvius, along with a sound very much like, I imagine, the belching of some dark, watery-eyed troll that lives under a moss covered and rarely traveled stone bridge in some tale of old…
It’s a hell of a crapper. We’ve become good friends after spending thirty some odd years of quality time together… Just talking about it brings me moist eyes..
Comment by gregor — March 7, 2013 @ 1:57 pm
Gregor….Moist Eyes?
You should not be looking in the bowl to check the swirl when you flush….if you were wearing a tie you might get pulled in & have more then moist eyes.
Yes, we have two of the American Standards, a low rider sports car model in our home bathroom & a high rise at the hunting camp.
I like the high rise a bit more each year,the hip joints get crankier every year & appreciate the comfortable elevated seat. Kinda like driving one of those giant earth moving dump trucks….no pun intended.
The high rise is a really friend when you have to pray to the toilet bowl god..”Ralph” ……when you have the Flu, of course!
Erica …Really sorry to hear of Jim Unger`s passing…today`s Cartoonists lack the comedic abilities of the those like Jim …he will be missed .
Comment by dudley1 — March 7, 2013 @ 2:28 pm