Always on the lookout for a good story, one of the PRS operatives came across this exchange of correspondence, which I thought you might find interesting.

Mr. Dan Rather
CBS, News Division
666 West 57th Street
New York, NY 10012

March 1, 2005

Ms. Madeline “Pearly” Gates
General Manager
KROE Television
413 Longhorn Drive
Cattle Breath, Texas 65448

Re: Employment Opportunity

Dear Ms. Gates:

I came across you advertisement in the Tumbleweed Daily for the position of Local News Anchor at KROE. I have enclosed my resume for your consideration. I will be leaving my current position in a few weeks, and I thought that the Anchor position in Cattle Breath looked plum interesting to this Texan, who wants to get back to his roots.

As you know (If I may be so bold to suggest that you might recognize my name, and if not my name, then my picture on my resume), I am an all-news, hard-news, hard-hitting, tall-in-the saddle, straight-ahead, dead-on, aim-for-the-bulls eye, pull-no-punches, showdown at High Noon, in-your-face, the-facts-and-only-the-facts kind of newsman.

I await your call.

Very truly yours,

Dan Rather

P.S. I did notice that the advertisement stated that the person hired would serve as the co-anchor with Ms. Blaze Penrod. As you may know, I prefer to work alone, so perhaps you could arrange for another position at KROE for Ms. Penrod.

Here is the reply:

Madeline “Pearly” GatesGeneral Manager KROE Television413 Longhorn DriveCattle Breath, Texas 65448

March 12, 2005

Mr. Dan Rather
CBS, News Division
666 West 57th Street
New York, New York 10012

Re: Employment Opportunity

Dear Mr. Rather:

I received your letter, dated March 1, 2005, regarding your interest the News Anchor position here at KROE TV. Of course, I recognized you from your resume, as did the others here at the station to whom I circulated it for comments.

Frankly, we were all quite surprised and flattered that a man with your experience would consider working at KROE TV, because it is, after a small station catering to a small but loyal audience. In addition, in terms of news, there is not a good deal going on in Cattle Breath at any given time. Our Anchors usually report on community interest items such as bingo games, tractor pulls and Little League scores (We have no sports person). For us, it’s “news” when a few strangers comes through town. It’s “big news” if one of them turns out to be a shoplifter, as was the case three years back when a stranger was caught shoplifting at Lefty’s feed store.

However, enven though KROE TV might be a small operation and there might not be much, as you say, “hard news” to report, we do insist that our Anchors don’t make shit up. As such, we will not be extending an offer of employment to you.

I would like to thank you for your interest in the position and wish you success in your future endeavors.

Very truly yours,

Madeline “Pearly” Gates

P.S. Blaze Penrod, our Co-Anchor for the last ten years, says that you can kiss her Lone Star ass.