Dear Jimbo:

I’ve been out of college for three years now, and I haven’t been able to find a job. Got any tips?

Sincerely,
Timmy “Skeets” McManus
Jersey City, New Jersey

Dear Timmy:

Let me know how you make out.

Yo, Jimbo,

I just turned 57, and I’m thinking about having my ear pierced and getting one of those cool diamond studs for my ear. Waddya think?

Rock on!
Ron Steuben
Madison, New Jersey

Dear Ron:

You’re clearly an asshole. You should spend your ear piercing, diamond stud-buying money on something more age-appropriate. Good whiskey comes to mind. Unless, of course your current job involves piracy, in which case you should have both ears pierced, have one of your eyes gouged out and buy a parrot.

Dear Jimbo:

I have like this really cool idea. I think they should build a bridge that connects New Jersey and England. That would be like so totally cool. There could be an exit on the Parkway somewhere around Seaside Heights, and the sign could say, “Exit 82 – Seaside Heights, England”. This way you could stop off in the afternoon at Seaside Heights for a swim and a walk on the boardwalk, and then head off to England for dinner.

They could get the English people to build half of it, and where the two halves come together, there could be something like the golden knot they tied at Purgatory Point when the railroads came together. You know about that, right?

Super bonus!! We could put a tollbooth on our side, and the bridge would pay for itself.

Great idea, no?

Your pal,
Maxwell V. Stoner
Point Pleasant, New Jersey
P.S. Jimbo, please keep this to yourself, because I am thinking about trying to get a patent.

Dear Maxwell:

Here’s my suggestion. Try staying away from the weed for about three weeks, and if at the end of that time you still think this is a swell idea, I suggest that you consider some prescription meds. Or, perhaps try swimming to England for dinner.