Primo Piss.
I received this e-mail about a week ago, and, as a service to PRS readers, I thought I would pass it along just in case any of you are in the market for some quality processed piss from the Ukraine.
Dudes, check it out. It’s “pure whiteâ€, “anti-caking treated†and most definitely not radioactive (Whew!). This is some seriously good shit stuff – way better than that bottled-water-fueled domestic processed piss.
So, if the prospect of getting your hands on Premium Processed Pee puckers your nibbitz, Mr. Feng is definitely your guy.
To: jim
Subject: Urea 46
Dear Sir,
We are the sole agent of Ukraine urea , we supply following specification of urea with the favourable price CIF148/MT, if you have the demand, please contact us.
GDHX. IM & EX GROUP
Sales manager
Mr Feng
Fax: 86-662-3199738
Email: urea@21cn.com
Urea 46% Agricultural Prilled-shall conform with the following specifications and/or standard international specifications
NITROGEN – 46% MINIMUM
BIURET – 1.0% MAXIMUM
MOISTURE – 0.5% MAXIMUM BY METHOD OF DRYING
FISHER METHOD – 0.3% MAX
FREE AMMONIA -160 PXT PPM MAXIMUM
GRANULATION – 2-4MM, 90% MINIMUM
COLOR – PURE WHITE
FREE FLOWING – 100% ANTICAKING TREATED
MELTING POINT – 132 DEGREE CELSIUS
STATIC RESIST – 0.7%
RADIATION – CERTIFIED NON-RADIOACTIVE
PHYSICAL – FREE FROM HARMFUL SUBSTANCE, IMPURITIES & DUST
Packaging minimum 50kg per bag or heavier in three ply bags.
If bother you, please forgive and delete this mail.
“International specifications”? “Melting Point”? This is almost as weird as the spam I get with the offerings of “Pee Pee Growth.” Who the heck is that supposed to appeal to – a 4-year-old?
Comment by Shamrock — September 21, 2006 @ 10:15 pm
uh … “puckers your nibbitz?” … is that anything like “frosts your stindeens?”
and if so, where can I find more of those tasty little ‘isms.
Comment by erica — September 22, 2006 @ 12:57 am
“Puckers your nibbitz” – that’s right up there with “Funge in the Knibber,” which is what my uncle always threatened to give us little Snot-Noses.
Hate to spoil the romance, but agricultural grade urea is generally made synthetically, not from some sort of humongous Piss-Desiccation operation in East Blednarth.
But it’s useful as a fertilizer. You can also mold it into Canine Shapes. Wee Doggies.
Comment by Elisson — September 22, 2006 @ 1:05 am
Elisson,
Being the romantic that I am, I prefer to imagine legions of vodka-addled Ukranian peeps pissing for rubles into a network of troughs, all leading to a big pissky dessicator.
Comment by Jim — September 22, 2006 @ 2:05 am
Ukranian piss? Finally, they’re starting to export that stuff. I was wondering when they would…
Comment by Lisa W. — September 22, 2006 @ 7:16 am
And here I thought we had enough of our own local pissing… now the Ukraine wants in on the action! Did they lose out on the Russian contract?
But I would love to see pics of you creating Wee Doggies with this stuff. *grin*
Comment by Teresa — September 22, 2006 @ 1:59 pm
Jim, the whole message is obviously another of those “accidentally” misdirected government secret alien-landing coverup emails. I mean really. “Urea 46”? I don’t THINK so. Try “Area 51.” And “Mr. Feng”? It’s not much of a stretch to see that Feng has four letters, and so does R-O-V-E. You see the problem. “Please contact us.” Ha! You get all the good mail, Jim.
Comment by dogette — September 22, 2006 @ 11:26 pm