Canoeing with Gators … NOT!!
During our vacation, we went here one morning in an effort to escape the swarms of farookin’ Love Bugs, which seemed to have a particular fondness for the place where we were staying.
As we drove into the State Park, the Ranger handed us a brochure, which said something like, “Do not feed the animals in the park, including the alligators.â€
Jimbo: “SAY WHAT?? Alli-farookin’gators? Turn this goddamned car around!â€
The Usual Suspects took great delight at my shitting in my pants simply as a result of reading the brochure. On we went.
As we checked out the various roads in the park, I wondered where alligators might lurk. It took about three minutes to find these Evergladely like stream things with dense growth right up to the water’s edge on both sides. “Alligator City,†without a doubt.
One such road led directly to a bank of one of the Evergladey stream things on which were canoes and kayaks that one could rent. At the place where the water meets the ground was a sign that said, “No Swimming. Alligators present.â€
No Swimming? NO SHIT!
To me, “swimming†includes what one’s sorry ass has to do once a canoe or a kayak capsizes in that stinking Evergladey water. I’ve never been in a kayak, but I have been in canoes, and those suckers flip over if you sneeze wrong.
I want to know who are the nimrods who would rent (i.e. PAY to use) a canoe or a kayak and shove off from the place where you have been clearly warned that “swimming†might turn you into alligator lunch?
Crazy bastards!
Do the rangers give you the brochure so you have something to wipe yourself with after you read about the gators?
The Montana Cabal is wondering when you’re traveling west so we can introduce you to a few Mountain Lions and Grizzlies? They’re just like kitties and Teddy Bears.
Really.
Comment by Randy Heinz, SFO — June 6, 2007 @ 12:48 am
Randy,
No problemo. Mountain lions and grizzlies are mammals, and, hence, are closer to kin, while alligators are pre-historic, disgusting beasts. Of course, a bigass gun helps when angrily or hungrily confronted by any of the foregoing.
Comment by Jim — June 6, 2007 @ 8:54 am
I’m never going to look at our water again without thinking, “evergladey”. That cracks me up.
Comment by Bou — June 6, 2007 @ 9:15 am
Jim,
If you ever find yourself in a swamp, being slowly circled by some big ass crocs and gators, just shit.
Crocs and gators won’t eat shit.
How do you feel about piranha?
Comment by dick — June 6, 2007 @ 1:14 pm
I’ve paid to canoe in alligator water. And flipped a canoe in said waters only to discover a large gator a minute or two after climbing back into the canoe.
good times, good times.
I have also gone swimming in gator water.
Comment by wRitErsbLock — June 7, 2007 @ 10:57 am
I’m a crazy bastard then because I did that in January.
Hell’s Bay. In a canoe. And stayed on a chickee hut in the middle of the Everglades.
It was SO FUN!
Comment by Serenity — June 7, 2007 @ 1:07 pm