Today I decided to rummage through a portion of my briefcase in order to toss some of the crap that has accumulated there over the past several months. I got rid of a bunch of gas receipts and some well-aged work stuff I had brought home to read.

I also came across a few scraps of paper on which were my longhand scribbling about one thing or another. Most of them were phone numbers and hastily jotted-down points relating to business matters. I did, however, find a rather beaten looking old business-size envelope, which was folded in half and on which I had scratched a few non-work related thoughts.

Turns out that the scribbles were my running notes obviously taken while I was in the Service Area waiting for the Big, Fat, Black Capitalist Car to be pampered. No doubt they were originally jotted down in anticipation of using them to write a stellar blog post. After all, I’ve written about being captive in the Service Area a couple of times before, so at the time I must have thought that the goings on were blogworthy.

Well, the scribbles never did make it into a post, but seeing as how I don’t feel like doing any heavy lifting right about now, I thought I’d share the notes from the back of that envelope, uncut, uncensored and frankly ungood. I figure it will give you a peek inside my cruller at what was a less-than-outstanding time.

The Scene: When these notes were taken, I was sitting in the dealer’s Customer Waiting Area, which has all the ambience of a bomb shelter. I had brought a book to read, but the distractions were such that reading was all but impossible. Here ‘tis:

Shit! Fake Judge What’shername is on TV.

Nice looking. Wonder where she finished in L.S. class?

Case – Who shot BB gun and broke window?

P*** – Pissed off woman – blames local kid

Witness — Some guy has homemade CSI trajectory charts – Who is this guy? Charts?

Kid = ∆? “Didn’t do it.”

“Judge” – Guy’s charts clever but wtf?

“Judge” – To ∆ — I know you did it, but … reasonable doubt …blah blah

Verdict for ∆

Case – Laptop ownership dispute – P is ∆’s former ER [employer]

∆ – “P gave me computer when I quit. Owed me $”

BS!

P — e-mail from ∆ to ∆’s former co-worker – Screw them I kept comp.

Ouch.

P wins. No shit.

Seriously fat babe waddles into room – works in connecting office – grabs two jelly donuts – back to office – BAD IDEA.

Case: P suing roofer(?) – damage to aluminum door jamb on garage.

“Judge” has hammer! Whacks piece of aluminum – dent — shows ∆ how easy it was.

Verdict: P rules of evidence?? WTF??

Hot in here – stuffy as hell. People assholes. Cell phones!

New TV Program

F**k! Another “judge” – Divorce Court. Shit.

Wife is P He knew I wanted him out ………….

At this point, I must have been summoned to the Service Desk to pay my bill and begin the day.

My cruller: Not a pretty picture.

*** In legal shorthand, the symbol for “plaintiff” is the Greek letter Pi. Damned if I could a Pi symbol in Word. Hence the “P.” The symbol for “defendant” is the Greek letter Delta, which, as you can see, I managed to find. While we’re at it, the symbol for “contract” is the letter “K.” None of the cases mentioned involved a contract, but I thought you might like to know that little tidbit. No charge.