Conversation in the Produce Department.
PRS Operatives had listening devices placed in a Garden State Supermarket in connection with a classified mission. As sometimes happens, we were surprised by the following conversation that took place in the middle of the night when there are hardly any customers in the store:
Celery: Yo, what did you think about the Eliot Spitzer thing?
Mushroom Who’s Eliot Spitzer?
Celery: Jesus, you don’t know anything about the Eliot Spitzer and the prostitution ring mess?
Mushroom Nope. Don’t know anything about it.
Celery: Damn, you are really ignorant. Were you raised in a cave or some shit?
Mushroom What kind of racist remark is that?
Celery: It’s not a racist remark, asshole.
Mushroom Yes it is, punk-ass bitch.
Celery: No it’s not!
Mushroom Yes it is, and don’t give me any of that “It’s not easy being green†booshit either.
Celery: Speaking of shit, you were raised in it, Dickwad! Bwhahahahaha.
GARLIC: Yo, youse guys! SHUT THE F*CK UP! I’m tryin’ to sleep heah.
Celery: (whispering) Now there’s a real asshole.
Mushroom (whispering) Yeah, no shit.
Celery: (whispering) Probably mobbed up.
Mushroom (whispering) Word.
What kind of mushrooms were you interacting with, exactly?
Somehow, this whole thing reminded me of a bumper sticker I saw the other day:
“I had to end it. He was a Vegan.”
Comment by Joan of Argghh! — March 13, 2008 @ 8:19 pm
And I guess the jalapeno thinks he’s hot, too.
Comment by RT — March 13, 2008 @ 9:36 pm
Cucumber #1: Who’s the new guy?
Cucumber #2: He used to hang in Albany.
Comment by Cousin Jack — March 14, 2008 @ 12:31 am
I cannot believe you attributed human characteristics to mushrooms. They are the devil’s toenail fungus. A pile of shit sprouts a fungus God knows how many years ago (the Dark Ages, I’d imagine), and human beings decide, “Mmmmm, let’s see what it tastes like.”
Comment by Erica — March 14, 2008 @ 9:30 am
Michelle Obama, shopping in the Piggly Wiggly-
For the first time in my adult life I am proud to be a celery!
The Reverend Jeremiah Not-so-Wright on Super Powers in Super Markets-
GAWD DAMN THE PRODUCE MAN!!! Hey suka’s, it’s in the bible (Sagittarius 14-15)!
Comment by JihadGene — March 14, 2008 @ 10:49 am
To Erica. I guess you would have to call me pro-mushroom. Don’t you know that you can overcome your upbringing and become something good. I guess you probably have something against broccoli as well!
Comment by Victor — March 14, 2008 @ 12:01 pm
I love the bumpersticker Joanie referred to.
Jim, I think your produce has been hosed one too many times.
No offense. 😉
Comment by dogette — March 14, 2008 @ 5:52 pm
All ’cause Eliot Mess got caught squeezing the tomatoes.
Comment by Mister Snitch — March 14, 2008 @ 7:56 pm
Lettuce assume that Celery is a stalker. Pretty corny, huh? Pea on the whole thing. This would make Arty choke.
Orange you glad I posted?
Comment by Cappy — March 14, 2008 @ 10:12 pm
… I wanna know what the okra thought…
Comment by Eric — March 15, 2008 @ 9:14 am
Eliot Ruta begged for more, but Kristen thought he was a hick–ama.
Thank you! Thank you! I’ll be here all night!
Comment by Kim — March 15, 2008 @ 5:08 pm