At the moment, I am too lazy/tired/uninspired to write anything that requires even moderate lifting. That means it’s a perfect time to pick up on a meme that I saw at Elisson’s place. I see that Eric has also been of like mind.

It’s called “The 100 Life Experiences Meme,” and my job is to signify the life experiences I have had by indicating them in boldface.

I know you’re all sitting on the edge of your chairs waiting for this. So, without further ado, here we go:

1. Started your own blog
Easy one. You’re reading it.

2. Slept under the stars

3. Played in a band
Several. For many years.

4. Visited Hawai’i
Twice. Aloha!

5. Watched a meteor shower

6. Given more than you can afford to charity

7. Been to Disneyland
DisneyWorld, actually. Twice. I assume that counts.

8. Climbed a mountain
Never had the desire.

9. Held a praying mantis
Very carefully, because when I was a kid, we were told if you killed one, you’d go to jail. I also believed that politicians were honest.

10. Sang a solo
I’m a regular farookin’ Elvis.

11. Bungee jumped

12. Visited Paris
I hear there is dogshit all over the sidewalks and lots of people with B.O.

13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
Saw one from the air once. Pretty scary.

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch

15. Adopted a child

16. Had food poisoning

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
Happy to say my mother made me do it when I was a squirt.

18. Grown your own vegetables
Jersey ‘Maters. Finest kind.

19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
I’ll check her out when she comes to Jersey.

20. Slept on an overnight train
On the “Champion” from Newark to Miami Beach, when I was a kid. Everyone slept in their seats, though.

21. Had a pillow fight

22. Hitchhiked

23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill

24. Built a snow fort

25. Held a lamb

26. Gone skinny dipping

27. Run a marathon
Did a half marathon once.

28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
Rode in a ’55 Buick Convertible. Sort of the same. Maybe not.

29. Seen a total eclipse

30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
Both.

31. Hit a home run

32. Been on a cruise
Five or six. I’ve lost count.

33. Seen Niagara Falls in person

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
No, but I would like to.

35. Seen an Amish community
Bought some outrageous apple butter.

36. Taught yourself a new language
Actually wrote a letter once in Italian. I know what “stronzo” and “cazzo” mean.

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person

39. Gone rock climbing
I’d rather clean toilets.

40. Seen Michelangelo’s David

41. Sung karaoke
Several times. Knocked ‘em dead on the cruise ship.

42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt

43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant

44. Visited Africa
Absolutely no desire to visit Africa.

45. Walked on a beach by moonlight

46. Been transported in an ambulance

47. Had your portrait painted

48. Gone deep sea fishing
Nice boat ride, interrupted by fishing (feh!). I didn’t puke.

49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person

50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris

51. Gone SCUBA diving or snorkeling
Went snorkeling once in Hawaii. I would just as soon not see what the hell I’m swimming with.

52. Kissed in the rain

53. Played in the mud

54. Gone to a drive-in theater
Back in the day, one bragged about having been thrown out of the drive-in. 😉

55. Been in a movie

56. Visited the Great Wall of China

57. Started a business
If a band counts, then yes.

58. Taken a martial arts class

59. Visited Russia
Nyet.

60. Served at a soup kitchen

61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
Who with a daughter has not sold Girl Scout Cookies?

62. Gone whale watching
I’m happy to leave them alone.

63. Got flowers for no reason

64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
Yeah. I’ve got a pretty rare blood type, so for a while I felt used, abused and half drained.

65. Gone sky diving
Q: What falls from the sky? A: Bird shit and idiots.

66. Visited a Nazi concentration camp
Yes. Dachau. I think everyone should visit one to remind one’s self of how unbelievably heartless and cruel people are capable of being.

67. Bounced a check

68. Flown in a helicopter

69. Saved a favorite childhood toy

70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial

71. Eaten caviar
Fish eggs from an ugly-ass fish? Blecch!

72. Pieced a quilt

73. Stood in Times Square
Many times. No big deal. Lots of peeps, many of whom are douchebags.

74. Toured the Everglades
Once, when I was young. Probably accounts for my morbid fear and loathing of alligators.

75. Been fired from a job
Many, many years ago. I was a salesman and my territory was divested. The experience probably saved my liver.

76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London

77. Broken a bone
Yes, in 1998. Spiral fracture of the anterior tibea. It really sucked.

78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
Crashed a couple times too. I’m wiser now.

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person

80. Published a book

81. Visited the Vatican
No, but it reminds me of an old joke, the punch line of which would be, “No, but who is the guy on the balcony with the funny hat standing next to Jimbo?”

82. Bought a brand new car

83. Walked in Jerusalem

84. Had your picture in the newspaper

85. Read the entire Bible

86. Visited the White House

87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
I prefer my meat to be on a Styrofoam tray and wrapped in plastic.

88. Had chickenpox

89. Saved someone’s life
In a hotel in White Plains, NY. Guy in the restaurant was choking. The guy said thanks. The hotel bought me a drink.

90. Sat on a jury
Before I became a lawyer, I sat on a Federal Grand Jury, one day a week for 18 months. Now, I get called, but I never make it past the voir dire.

91. Met someone famous
I pissed next to Jackie Robinson and Ramsey Clark, but you already knew that. I also got to play drums with the Coasters once. I met Former Governor Whitman and Justice Scalia, but I had more fun playing with the Coasters.

92. Joined a book club
I believe I still have a few books I wound up with that I didn’t want, because I didn’t return the “No thanks” card in time.

93. Lost a loved one

94. Had a baby
Fathered an excellent one.

95. Seen the Alamo in person

96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake

97. Been involved in a law suit
Quite a few, but never as a party to one.

98. Owned a cell phone

99. Been stung by a bee
Yes, inside my mouth when in was in high school. It was on my baloney and cheese sandwich. Hurt like a sumbitch. One half of my face grew to twice its size. Ran off to the doc and he thought it was all quite funny. “What are you doing eating bees?” I wasn’t amused.

100. Read an entire book in one day

52 of 100. I don’t know how that stacks up against other peeps, particularly since there are several of the remaining 48 that I would prefer not to do.

Well, that was spellbinding, wasn’t it?

Update: Added links.