Tonight, John Kerry is the Headliner. I heard on the radio that his speech will last approximately fifty minutes. I figure that means that he can spend twenty-five minutes taking one position on the issues and then spend the other twenty-five minutes taking the opposite position. Hell, it’s worked so far.

He will be preceded by quite a cast of characters, including Madeline Albright, Joe Biden, Wesley Clark, Nancy Pelosi, and Joe Lieberman (I’m surprised he’s being allowed on the podium).

My goal is to hear what the Big Kahuna has to say for himself and to try not to become catatonic in the process.

I am glad this is the last night. I am worried about my health.

Update: Here’s what I saw:

Wesley Clark: My favorite line was, “Repetition does not turn a lie into the truth.” True enough, Wes, but if the Democrats really believed that, they would not have bothered with the four-day bullshitfest convention.

Joe Lieberman: I felt sorry for the guy. He was only slightly more popular to the moonbats on the convention floor than would be, say, Dick Cheney. Memo to Joe: It’s time to abandon the Dark Side.

Nancy Pelosi: Her speech had built in “applause” pauses, but the applause often was often not forthcoming during the pauses. I think that’s because the people in the hall couldn’t see that she had her fingers crossed while she was saying things like how much she respects and admires the men and women in uniform. I have always thought of her as simply being strident and obnoxious, but until tonight, after having seen her interviewed, I had not realized that she is also about as dumb as a bag of hammers.

Madeline Albright: She was the knockout punch tonight. Shortly after she accused the administration of “twisting the intelligence” in order to go to war, I lost consciousness, causing me to have to watch the John Kerry speech in re-run on C-Span.

John Kerry: Holy crap! He served in Vietnam!! Did you know that? No kidding. He really did. I saw the pictures.

The line that almost knocked me out of Mr. Recliner was, “Saying there are weapons of mass destruction in Iraq does not make it so” – this coming from a guy who said exactly that at least a dozen times. Let’s go to the audiotape, John.

He also said, “I ask you to judge me by my record.”

Thanks for the advice, John. I think I’ll do just that.

Mercifully, it’s over.