It has been widely reported that President-elect Barack ___ Obama will nominate former Clinton staffer Leon Panetta to assume the leadership of the CIA. PRS operatives managed to obtain a transcript of the telephone call from the Office of the President-elect to Mr. Panetta in which Mr. Panetta was advised of his appointment.

RINNNNNNNG

Leon: Hello?

B_O: Leon? Barack Obama here. How are you?

Leon: I’m fine, Barack. How are you?

B_O: I’m doing well, Leon, but it’s “President-elect Obama,” not “Barack.” OK?

Leon: I apologize, Mr. President-elect. What can I do for you?

B_O: I’m calling because I want to offer you a position in my administration.

Leon: Excellent! What do you have in mind, Mr. President-elect?

B_O: I want to nominate you to be the Director of the CIA.

Leon: Director? I like the sound of that, but what’s the CIA?

B_O: It’s the Central Intelligence Agency, Leon.

Leon: Oh, right. I’ve heard of the CIA. What is it they do over there?

B_O: I’m not completely sure myself, but I think it’s spy-type stuff.

Leon: Wow! Like the 007 type stuff?

B_O: Yeah. You know … guns and cool gadgets and shit.

Leon: Awesome! I’ll take it. Thanks!

B_O: Cool.

Our friend, Mostly Cajun, regularly posts birth announcements from his local newspaper, which include the name chosen by the parent(s) for the newborn. The names never cease to amaze me, and invariably cause me to wonder whether some people should procreate.

As a special treat, he has assembled some of the gems from the past year and invites his readers to vote for the Name of the Year.

Here are but a few samples:

Toi T’Anthony E’Quan

La’nah Hoklue’ a Lauree

Ja’Myah Ja’Nae Sh’Nyiah Shante

As you can see, apostrophes are quite hot this year.

Go check them all out and cast your vote.

In the final episode of the children’s show on Hamas TV, “Pioneers of Tomorrow,” the Mickey Mouse-like lead character, Farfour, is interrogated, beaten, jailed and ultimately “martyred.” Showing its sensitive side, Hamas spares the children from actually seeing the death of Farfour.

I’ll let this sick shit speak for itself.

A few days ago in the supermarket …………

Can of Beets: Yo!

Jimbo: Huh?

Can of Beets: Yo! Over here, next to the lima beans.

Jimbo: A talking can of beets?

Can of Beets: Yeah, what of it?

Jimbo: Nothing … just seems strange. What do you want?

Can of Beets: I’ve been watching you walk up and down this aisle for a few months now. You buy corn, peas, lima beans … all kinds of stuff. So, what’s wrong with me?

Jimbo: Sorry, but I really don’t care for beets.

Can of Beets: You don’t like beets? What the hell is wrong with you? Do you like horseradish?

Jimbo: Oh yeah. I love horseradish.

Can of Beets: Did you know that beets are what give horseradish its nice red color?

Jimbo: Frankly, I prefer white horseradish.

Can of Beets: Ha! I knew it!

Jimbo: You knew what?

Can of Beets: You’re a racist.

Jimbo: Don’t be ridiculous.

Can of Beets: Oh really? Let me ask you this. Did you vote for Obama?

Jimbo: No, I didn’t.

Can of Beets: Well, there you go. You’re one of those white supremacists and a member of the Klan. I’ll be you’re a war criminal too.

Jimbo:

Can of Beets: Hey! Where do you think you’re going? Are you afraid to debate me? Bigot!

Jimbo: Stupid beets.

Not surprisingly, last night’s dinner with the Usual Suspects at a local bistro, followed by a get-together at Casa de Bodyguard and the Deckmistress, was an unqualified success. Adult beverages were consumed at both venues, leaving me slightly ragged around the edges today.

”Yo, Jimbo, that’s very interesting, but what does it have to do with the title of this post?”

Okay, I’m getting there. I already said that I was a little fuzzy today.

So, while spending the bulk of the day alternately reading and nodding off., I did notice that I had an annoyingly painful hangnail on one of the fingers of my right hand and a teeny, but also annoyingly painful cut on my left thumb (Don’t remember how I got it). Upon noticing the former, I said “Ow!” and I said “Ouch!” when I noticed the latter.

That got me to wondering what people say in other languages when they discover annoying painful hangnails and teeny but painful cuts. A quick trip to the internet revealed that others before me have asked this burning question. As usual, the internet does not disappoint.

For the rest of the day, instead of saying “Ow!” or “Ouch,” I will say “Aray!” which is what the peeps in the Philippines say.

So ends this most illuminating post.

Absolutely amazing what this man can do with a slingshot. My favorite part involves the tall weed.

h/t TigerHawk and Maggie’s Farm.

The President-elect of the United States of America

Good grief!

via Hot Air

Ms. Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg
155 Park Avenue
New York, New York

Dear President-Elect Obama:

I really hate to bother you while you are on your well-deserved vacation in Hawaii, but I would like to request your assistance in connection with a matter with which I am currently involved. Before I wrote this, I checked with my uncle, TED KENNEDY, and he told me that you wouldn’t mind hearing from me and assisting me. He also said that he was certain that my slain uncle, BOBBY KENNEDY and my brutally assassinated father, JOHN F. KENNEDY, would want you to help me. I’m pretty sure that my little brother, JOHN KENNEDY, who tragically died in a plane crash, and my deceased mother JACQUELINE KENNEDY, an American icon, would also be certain that you would help me with my current problem.

As you may know, I am seeking the appointment to the United States Senate to fill the seat that will be vacated by that shrieking harpy whose ass you kicked in the primaries Hillary Clinton. I know that this appointment is solely within the power of David Paterson, the governor of New York, but I have a feeling that your recommendation (along with a few federal pot sweeteners) would convince him to appoint me.

You know what some people are saying? They have the nerve to say that I am not qualified to be a U.S. Senator and that I’m capitalizing on my name, which just happens to be the same as that of my uncle TED KENNEDY, my murdered uncle, BOBBY KENNEDY, my assassinated father JOHN F. KENNEDY, my died-too-soon brother, JOHN KENNEDY and my sainted mother JACQUELINE KENNEDY. Such a claim is preposterous. I am very qualified to be a United States Senator. I have a law degree, and I have done lots of really good and very important things, all of which qualify me to be a U.S. Senator. I am working on the list of things, and I promise to send it to you as soon as it’s finished.

Yes, it’s true that I missed voting in a bunch of elections, but who knew that my aroma therapy spa sessions would sometimes fall on the first Tuesday after the first Monday in November. I have fired my appointment secretary, so that won’t happen anymore.

Despite my excellent qualifications, some people (even some from our own beloved Democratic Party) still insist that I am not qualified to be appointed to the Senate. So, in order to satisfy them and you, I promise to do the following things, if I am appointed.

1. I will read “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” in order to develop an actual personality. It really hurts me when people say I have the personality of a piss clam.

2. I will take a course in public speaking so that when I speak I don’t sound like I was just awakened from surgery.

3. I promise never, ever to use the words “lunch” and “vacation” as verbs.

4. I will get a map of the State of New York and make sure I know where they grow apples and places where it’s really cold in the winter. I will even visit one of those shitholes quaint little towns north of Syracuse in the winter and have pancakes in a local restaurant.

5. I will spend some time with Rosie O’Donnell, so she can teach me how to be funny. Rosie rocks.

6. I will listen to rap music and that other kind of music you like, which I believe is called slip slop, so I can go down and be funky.

7. I will vacation (ooopsie!) take a vacation at Coney Island and eat one of those hot dog things that they make at Famous Noonan’s.

8. I have already lunched (another ooopsie!) eaten lunch with Al Sharpton, and I promise to spend more time getting down with the Bros and Sistas in Harlem. I understand that Bill Clinton is looking to sub-let his office there, as he never uses it.

9. I promise to take a ride on the subway. In fact, I have an appointment with one of my assistants who promised to show me where the subway is.

10. I promise to work not one minute less than two days per week (when the Senate is in session), if I am appointed.

I am looking forward to hearing from you, as is my uncle TED KENNEDY and as would be my murdered uncle BOBBY KENNEDY, my assassinated father JOHN F. KENNEDY and my tragically deceased brother JOHN KENNEDY and my beloved mother JACQUELINE KENNEDY.

Very truly yours,
Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg

Gloomy day outside, but I managed to do a ground pound. I wound up thinking about politics. Feh!

Hell, I’m still basking in the Post-Christmas Mellow, so rather than thinking about politics and winding up with frosted stindeens, I’d prefer to chill out and listen to Delbert McClinton.

Every time Delbert sings, it’s a farookin’ masterpiece.

That is all.