So, today I drove 75 miles to see the ophthalmologist for a detailed eye exam (It had been a while). Preparation for the various things the doc was going to do involved drops to dilate my pupils and drops to numb my eyes. At this point, I should note that I really, really don’t like things going anywhere near my eyes. For the life of me, I cannot understand how anyone could wear contact lenses. To put them in, you actually press your finger against your eyeball. Gah!

But I digress.

So after the drops were put into my eyes, I was sent to a dimly lit room to wait for the drops to kick in.

Sometime between then and the start of the examination, I must have rubbed my numb, but watery left eye, thereby scratching my cornea. (I sure wish someone would have stressed the importance of not rubbing one’s eye.)

The bottom line is that I walked into the eye doc’s office with mahvelous farookin’ eyes and walked out with a scratched cornea, antibiotic eye drops and a follow-up appointment later in the week — yes, and another 75-mile drive.

I suppose the good news is that if you must scratch your cornea, the eye doc’s office is a good place to do it.

Sunny positively slays me. Wait. Was that racist?

House of Sunny

Rollover

Guy must be a Kieth Olbermann fan.

Some of us (unfortunately not enough of us) were on to this grifter from the beginning.

Via Coalition of the Swilling

via iOTW

I am not old enough to remember the invention of fire, but I am old enough to remember when hula hoops took the country by storm. This talented woman wasn’t even a twinkle in her mamma’s eye then, but she managed to wow an initially skeptical audience with her hoopistry.

via Big Geek Daddy (always great stuff there), and thanks to reader and commenter, John, for the link.

I’m sure you’ve seen the tile roofs, which are very common in the Southwest (and in the South too, as I recall). We also have them in the Northeast. Pretty cool, no? I thought that until I saw what could be living under those tiles. Yeef!

h/t to my buddy, Brian, the Air Force Vet.

The One can pound his “more flexibility” shit where the sun don’t shine.

I’m with the regular Russian Peeps on this one.

h/t to Rich, my pool playin’ pal.

Being retired means taking care of important things such as rearranging the contents of the liquor cabinet.

After that was accomplished, I needed a rest and a cocktail.

The weather has been beautiful, and I’m suffering from laziness and a complete lack of creativity, so I was happy to receive a collection of puns and one-liners from reader and frequent commenter, John.

Groan along with me:

I do not enjoy computer jokes . Not one bit .

I changed my i Pod name to Titanic . It’s syncing now .

When chemists die, they barium .

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst .

I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid . He says he can stop any time .

How does Moses make his tea ? Hebrews it .

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me .

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore .

A guy got arrested for playing the guitar. For fingering A minor .

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity . I can’t put it down .

I did a theatrical performance about puns . It was a play on words .

They told me I had type A blood , but it was a TypeO .

PMS jokes aren’t funny, period .

Why were the Indians here first ? They had reservations .

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory . I hope there’s no pop quiz .

Energizer battery arrested . Charged with battery .

I didn’t like my beard at first . Then it grew on me .

How do you make holy water ? Boil the hell out of it !

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils ?

When you get a bladder infection , urine trouble .

What does a clock do when it’s hungry ? It goes back four seconds .

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger . Then it hit me !

Broken pencils are pointless .

I tried to catch some fog . I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary ? A thesaurus .

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest .

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx .

All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen . Police have nothing to go on .

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough .

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes .

Velcro – what a rip off !

Cartoonist found dead in home . Details are sketchy .

Venison for dinner ? Oh deer !

Earthquake in Washington obviously government’s fault .

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

Rimshot!