Just got a Blue Screen of Death. I think I’ll run a virus scan and call it a night.

Hey! Careful there! You almost stepped on me!

I’m glad I didn’t. No one wants to step on a big, brown, steaming pile of shit.

What’s with the “brown” thing? Are you some kind of racist?

I’m not a racist; I’m a Democrat.

Wow! So am I!

Cool. Are you registered to vote?

I can’t register. Like you said – I’m a pile of steaming shit.

I can make that happen. Do you have any steaming pile of shit friends?

Absolutely. They’re all over the sidewalk and street.

I’ll have someone from ACORN hook you all up in time for the November election.

Sweet.

I had something in mind to write today, but Life 101 kicked in, and now I’m too tired.

Maybe tomorrow, Peeps.

Daughter, TJ, and husband stopped by and brought this little unit with them. He was found in the drainpipe outside her office, wet, hungry and frightened. She picked him up and took him to the vet for a checkup (everything is OK), and now it looks as though they will become cat peeps. He’s very tiny (as you can see in the photo). The vet estimated his age to be three to four weeks.

As of this moment, a name has not been chosen but. as I understand it, currently under consideration are: Howard, Dexter, Perry (a play on “Purry”), Buscemi, Rex, Darwin (survival of the fittest).

It’s impossible not to become instantly attached to the little guy.

Bernie Marcus, who founded Home Depot, is one of the eeeeeevil “rich.” Yes, he’s a a corporate “fat cat” and, as such, is a person The One urges Americans to loathe.

Since he woke up this morning, Mr. Marcus forgot more about creating wealth than the maroon in the White House and his coterie of eggheads will ever will hope to know.

Listen to what he has to say.

Vote in November as if your life depends on it.

Although I have a morbid fear of alligators, I am not particularly afraid of heights. Having said that, I wouldn’t want this guy’s gig.

Via my buddy, Brian, the Air Force Vet

Here’s the short version:

U.S. notified that a German-owned merchant ship had been captured by pirates off the coast of Yemen.

Force reconnaissance Marines (probably a platoon-sized unit) board the ship with support from snipers and helicopter gunships.

Marines take control of the ship without firing a shot.

Pirates surrender.

One pirate shits himself.

Sweet.

Well done. Well done, indeed.

Remember the Stimulus Bill passed in 2009? Sure you do. Its purpose was to stimulate the economy and put Americans back to work. We now know that much of the money went to fund local pork projects, which served to give politicians something to brag about to their constituents, but did nothing to stimulate the economy. If that doesn’t make you angry enough, it turns out that $823,000 of your money is being used to teach African men how to wash their naughty bits.

Really.

That ought to put a shitload of Americans back to work.

Vote in November as if your life depended on it.

Thanks to reader, Dick, for the pointer.

As was the case last year, I served today as a judge in the annual truck rodeo. It is not a speed event, but rather one that stresses safety and precision.

The portion of the course I judged consisted of five small (approximately 10 inches) cones, each next to a scoring pad affixed to the ground.

Here’s how it looked.

Here is a close-up of an individual cone and scoring pad.

The driver has to roll the over the scoring pads with the tread** (as opposed to the bulge) of the right rearmost tire on the trailer (or straight truck, as the case may be) without touching the cones. As you can see, there are five scoring pads and, as such, five scoring opportunities (five or ten points per cone). Several drivers scored the max, which was 50 points. Pretty amazing, if you ask me. I don’t think I could do that driving my car.

** Yo Jimbo, what’s the difference between the tread and the bulge? As it was explained to me, “If I roll over your foot with the bulge you won’t feel it, which is not the case if I roll over your foot with the tread.”