This is important. Please take the time to listen and pass it on.

Thanks,
Jimbo

….. has started.

Feh!

As you may have noticed, I have not posted anything over the last couple of days. That is because I have been busy attending Christmas Year-End parties. A few of them were also retirement parties.

Yo, Jimbo did you say “retirement parties”?

Indeed I did.

Know why?

Because, as of this morning ……………

I

RETIRED.

I have been happily anticipating this for months, and now it is, as they say, “official.”

What are my plans?

Well, there is the new house, which is still by the Parkway, only about 70 miles farther south.

I expect that I’ll have more time to devote to the silliness of blogging, but beyond that, the world is my oyster. Who knows where I might turn up looking to have a cocktail or three?

Much has been written about the report card that The One gave himself during his interview with Oprah. PRS Operatives have obtained a copy of The One’s report card from 1970. Again, we have the exclusive.

Kahanua Elementary School — Report Card

4th Grade

Teacher: Mrs. Williams

Student: Barack H. Obama

Arithmetic: D

Teacher’s Comments: Barack’s arithmetic skills are sorely lacking. He cannot seem to distinguish between or among orders of magnitude. For example, he cannot recognize the difference between 1,000 and 1,000,000, much less the difference between 1,000,000 and 1,000,000,000. He doesn’t seem to have any interest in mathematics. I suggest that you consider hiring a tutor.

Reading: C

Teacher’s Comments: Barack reads at an acceptable level, although he has demonstrated a rather unique ability. He can open two identical books to the same page and separate them by several feet and seamlessly read the text aloud by looking back and forth between the books. I doubt that he will ever be able to put such a skill to practical use.

Composition: F

Teacher’s Comments: Barack was responsible for turning in three compositions this marking period, and we discovered that all three were written by other people. Two were written by other students and one (dealing with socialism) was obviously written by an adult. In the future, Barack will be required to write his compositions by hand in class in front of a proctor.

Deportment/Social Skills: F

Teacher’s Comments: Although Barack gives the appearance of being very friendly, he is actually somewhat aloof and tends to talk down to his fellow students. The students he does gravitate to tend to pose deportment problems of their own, often relating to honesty, which may explain why Barack has been known to be less than truthful on several occasions. Remarkably, when it becomes obvious to all concerned that a previous statement that Barack had made was untrue, he remains completely unfazed. Notably, Barack does not handle criticism well and often becomes defensive and argumentative. What is particularly upsetting is that he has been known to claim that, because of his African-American ancestry, he is not being treated fairly. I believe these issues should be explored with a child psychologist, as I fear that without direct and prompt professional intervention, Barack will not amount to much as an adult.

Mr. Recliner won.

PRS Operatives have managed to get their hands on a copy of Santa’s reply to The One’s letter to Santa. We have the exclusive.

Dear Barack,

I received your letter. I wanted to let you know that things have been pretty rough this year up here at the North Pole, and I’m afraid that they may get worse.

Do you have any idea what it costs me and Mrs. Claus to heat this place? It’s the North Friggin’ Pole! Your energy plans, which are based on the global warming climate change baloney, may cause us to freeze to death up here. If I thought that animal farts had anything to do with warming the planet, I’d feed my reindeer nothing but beans and beer!

Speaking of my reindeer, I used to feed them lots of corn. Now that much of the corn crop is being used to make ethanol for cars, I’m feeding them reindeer kibble. They hate it, and they’re losing weight. I’m worried that they won’t be able to go the distance on my Christmas rounds this year.

Speaking of my Christmas rounds, the sleigh won’t be as full this year, as I had to lay off a dozen elves to keep from going bankrupt. And, because I don’t know what else you and the boobs in congress still have in store for me and Mrs. Claus, it doesn’t look like I’ll be re-hiring anytime soon. To make matters worse, the remaining elves are talking about unionizing, which will certainly put me out of business.

So, Barack, on my Naughty Versus Nice Scale, you came up on the naughty, side big time. I will, however, make a brief stop at the White House to drop off a lump of coal in your stocking. Yeah, coal. I had to further screw up my cash flow in order to stock up on the stuff before you put the coal industry out of business.

Sincerely,
Santa

P.S. I know that you asked for a calculator that is capable of handling trillions. Instead, I’m thinking about bringing you a calculator that only goes as high as 50 so you can keep track of the number of states.

P.P.S. Oh, and you wanted a pocket mirror so that you could admire your ass from time to time. I don’t think you need a mirror. All you have to do is pull your head out of your ass once in a while and take a look.

If you only read one thing this weekend, read the Anchoress’s advice to Congress.

Via Doug Ross

There is simply no way to avoid reading/hearing/seeing shit about Tiger Woods.

Meanwhile, the country is going straight down the shitter, and most people aren’t paying attention.

Farookin’ pathetic.

PRS Operatives have learned that The One actually wrote a letter to Santa. Of course, we have the exclusive right here.

Dear Santa,

Look, I know I’m the Leader of the Free World, the Most Powerful Man on Earth, Infallible in All Matters, Really Smart and Exceedingly Handsome. I know I have legions of people waiting for me to express my desire for virtually anything so that they can provide it in an instant. You name it — I can travel to anywhere on short notice, I can summon virtually anyone to my office, I can get anyone on the phone anywhere-any time, and I can get a Clark Bar at three a.m.

There are, however, a couple things I could use your help with. So, waddya say? I can make it worth your while. Know what I mean?

Here’s my very modest list:

1. When you visit the White House, perhaps you could remove all the clothes from Michelle’s closets and replace them with grownup things. Once I tried to suggest that it might not be so cool to show up at official functions dressed like Homey the Clown, and my ass is still bleeding.

2. Can you load my mother-in-law into your sleigh and get her the hell out of my hair. Damn, Santa. I’m the goddamned President, and I’m stuck with my mother-in-law. That just ain’t right.

3. Three of four cartons of Marlboros would be nice. Just don’t leave them under the tree. Leave them in my desk drawer, third one down on the left.

4. Any chance you could arrange for Sean Hannity, Mark Levin, Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh all to be on one bus at one time and have it, like, plunge into the Grand Canyon? That would be so sweet. Those guys really piss me off.

5. How about a little pocket mirror that I could keep with me during the day? People tell me I have a nice ass, and I’d like to admire it myself from time to time.

6. Speaking of pocket things, I’d like a new pocket calculator. The one I have can’t do trillions.

7. I’d really like a cape. Rahm says it would be over the top and wouldn’t let me send an aide out to buy one. I think it would be cool, and I think that it is entirely fitting that I should wear a cape.

8. Could you drop off a bunch of crossword puzzle books at Joe Biden’s house? I need to keep him busy. Please make them the easy kind, because he has trouble with three-letter words.

9. .Could you deliver an explodo-virus to Doug Ross’s and the Grouchy Old Cripple’s computers. I hate those guys.

10. Finally, could you drop a big rock on Bill Clinton’s head? I have his annoying wife under control, but that Arkansas goober is trouble with a capital T.

Thanks, and, like I said, there are lots of ways I can make this worth your while. Besides, you really don’t want to piss me off, do you?

Your pal,
Barack

I’m too tired to even think about writing anything.

That is all.