On November 29, I wrote a bit about manhole covers. I had assumed that manhole covers are something that we don’t often notice and take completely for granted. I figured that the “we” in the previous sentence naturally did not include people who manufacture, sell, buy and install the heavy metal plates, but in the ensuing days I learned that the “we” also did not include lots of people who think a lot about manhole covers. Here’s a sampling:

Some people travel the world taking pictures of manholes. Some take artistic pictures..

One can buy furniture made from old manholes.

There are jokes that involve manhole covers.

One fellow has a web page dedicated to manhole covers. This page also shows that someone has written a manhole cover book!

Another person makes amazing models of manhole covers.

People make quilts patterned after the designs on manhole covers.

There is a good reason why these babies are round.

There are special tools to lift them from the holes they cover.

I learn something every farookin’ day.

On November 29, 2002, we noted here in “Spendin’ of the Green” that New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey resisted production of the financial records of his “trade mission” to Ireland, the Governor’s “ancestral homeland.” The Gov was accompanied by his wife, 8 staffers and a security detail. No doubt he resisted making the records public because the tab for the trip that was touted in advance as costing us $20,000 ended up costing $105,000. Nevertheless, the Gov finally conceded that the records had to be produced under New Jersey law. Having been caught trying to pull a fast one, he apologized and directed the Democrat Party to reimburse the state for $70,000 of the bill. I believe the only thing he is sorry about is being caught.

Well, today the New York Times reported that the Democrat Party will have to write yet another check to the state – this time for $18,200 for 14 personal trips the Gov took in the state-supplied helicopter. Apparently, the Gov is fond of flying, as his office reported that Hizzoner took 272 helicopter trips in his first ten months in office. Mind you, New Jersey is not exactly the size of Texas, so 27 helicopter trips per month (at $1,200 per hour) seems a bit much, no?

More Jerseyspeak. After reading “Jeetyet? No. Joo?” here (see December 2, 2002), my daughter wrote to remind me of another bit of Jerseyspeak. More specifically she described how we tend to mangle the words “all right” by pronouncing them as one word — “erright.”

She writes: “Here it is in context”

Person A: Hey, would you mind taking out the garbage?
Person B: Yeah. Erright.
(Several minutes pass.)
Person A: Would you mind taking it out now?
Person B: Erright already! I’ll do it now. Erright?!?

Or, perhaps, more realistically………

Taxpayer: “Hey McGreevey. It’s only a five-mile trip and there is no traffic. How about taking the friggin’ car?”
McGreevey: “Goddamn newspapers. Erright already!!!!”

New Jersey…….Only the strong survive.

If you are from New Jersey, more precisely, northern New Jersey (they talk funny in the southern parts of the Garden State), you can recognize the question and answer that appears in the title. The questioner asks “Did you eat yet?” or more properly, “Have you eaten?” The respondent answers “No. Did you?” or more properly, “No. Have you?”

We also are known for damned near putting two syllables in the word “dog,” so that the word comes out, not as “dahg,” but rather something more like “doo-wug.” Similarly, “chocolate” isn’t “chalk-lat,” but rather, “choo-wuhk-lat.”

Yes, Virginia, we do have an accent. Many of us, however, recognize this and can modify our speech to fit the audience, or the setting. Having said that, sometimes even when being on my best language behavior, I have been recognized as being from New Jersey by folks from other parts of the country.

Some of our accent is purely pronunciation-based, as above. However, veering a bit more towards a being a dialect, “Jerseyspeak” has some of its very own idiomatic expressions, as evidenced by the blank stares from those from elsewhere when they hear them. Foremost among them is the manner in which we refer to the part of the state, notable for its vacation spots on or near the ocean. It is not “the beach.” Rather, it is “down the shore” – not “down to the shore, mind you,” but simply “down the shore.” Actually, it is pronounced almost as one word, skipping the word “the” –“downaSHORE.” The “beach” and “down the shore” are two separate animals..” One might go “down the shore” and never go to “the beach,” the “beach” being just one of many places one could go while “down the shore.”

To complicate the matter even more, if we are going to be “down the shore” for only a day trip, we “take a ride down the shore.” By contrast, if we are planning to stay overnight or for a vacation, then we are clearly “going down the shore.”

And, while “downaSHORE” (or anywhere else for that manner) and we want to drink a carbonated, flavored, soft drink, we have a “soda.” Having a “pop” means something quite different to us, which requires proof of age. I understand that, in Boston, a bottle of soda is referred to as a bottle of “tonic.” No way. In Jersey, “Tonic” is either quinine water (always drunk with either gin or vodka) or some vile stuff one would buy in a health food store.

Oh, by the way, unless we are filling out a tax return or a job application, we rarely say that we are from “New Jersey.” We are from “Jersey.” Indeed, New Jersey is the only “New…” state that doesn’t require “New” to identify it. Saying , “I’m from Hampshire… or York…or, worse yet, from Mexico” just doesn’t work.

This introductory lesson would not be complete without a word or two about our alleged use of the word “Joisey.” I have lived in New Jersey all my life, and I have never, ever heard another person from New Jersey say “Joisey.” The closest thing I have ever heard to “Joisey” is something that sounds more like “Jaisey,” a pronunciation used by certain old timers from Hudson County (the county that made political corruption an art form). I believe our friends across the river in Brooklyn may say “Joisey,” but I will leave it to them to explain themselves.

Are you getting this? I recall laughing at the expressions on the faces of some Californians as I tried to explain all this and laughing even harder at these poor souls who never set foot in the Garden State trying to correctly pronounce “downaSHORE.”

You’re not getting it? Then, FUHGETABOUTIT!!!