So, you’re driving down the Garden State Parkway, doing a respectable 65 mph, when you notice, in your rear view mirror, some maniac weaving across four lanes, doing 90 mph. In a flash, the jerk is one foot from your rear bumper, but not for long, because he swerves to the right, then swerves back into your lane, cutting you off. He bolts into the left lane, where he tailgates someone who is already doing 75, until the lunatic does the same maneuver to the left lane guy, obviously set on breaking the sound barrier and endangering everyone else on the road in the process.

In those circumstances I find myself hoping that a state trooper catches this NASCAR driver wannabee idiot before he kills someone.

Well, if I had one of these specially equipped SUVs, I wouldn’t need no stinkin’ trooper. This also would be very nice to have on just about any day on Route 22.

Link via Country Store

Rachel Lucas has a funny story about a pack of obviously pissed off dogs in Bavaria that is running around attacking parked cars and causing lots of damage. The animals have not been captured, nor is there any explanation for their verrueckte behavior. I figure they must have gotten into a bad batch of beer.

This comes on the heels of Rachel’s Friday post, in which she chronicles the ongoing saga of her dog Sunny, the Grackle Terminator. I hope for the sake of those dumb ass birds (“Satanic minions” to use Rachel’s term) they don’t follow her to her new digs.

It’s another nice Saturday here, so I have decided to opt for pool bobbing and vodka sipping over sitting at the keyboard. So, here’s a little something you might enjoy. Go take a look at the site that has tons of information and great graphics and tells you everything you ever wanted to know about the game Monopoly. I particularly liked the images of the old “Chance” and “Community Chest” cards.

via The Ultimate Insult

Quote of the Day.
Go read the Quote of the Day at On the Third Hand. I wish I would have said that.

The Governor’s Mea Culpa.

Today, Governor McGreevey, amid the controversy surrounding his recent acceptance of a six-day family trip to Puerto Rico – all paid for by the International Longshoremen’s Association (“ILA”) — characterized his acceptance of the trip as an “honest mistake.” He stated that he would reimburse the ILA from his “personal funds” for the cost of the trip, which was had been cut short due to governor’s having to attend the funeral of an unidentified staffer’s daughter.

The governor had accepted the invitation to be the keynote speaker at the ILA’s annual convention, this despite the ILA’s well-known history of having ties to organized crime. A bad situation became even worse when, during the opening session of the convention, the ILA president, John Bowers, announced that he expected the ILA to be named in a federal racketeering suit.

Assuming, as I think we must, that the governor was surprised by Bowers’ announcement, and further assuming that the governor was unaware of the ongoing investigation of the ILA by four state and federal law enforcement agencies, it is still difficult to understand how he could not have known that this year his own attorney general indicted seven alleged Genovese crime family members, including the president of a New Jersey ILA local, for allegedly shaking down dock workers.

The editorial in today’s Star Ledger stated:

Bad as this trip smells, the governor is unlikely to get into any legal trouble. The state’s ethics rules have creative escape hatches. The governor appointed all the members of the Executive Commission on Ethical Standards, the group that is investigating. And since Attorney General Peter Harvey recently accepted high-priced boxing tickets paid for by promoters and was forced to pay his own reimbursement, he is not likely to make much fuss over the governor’s transgressions.

Not only will the governor avoid any legal trouble, but he will also avoid suffering any serious political consequences stemming from this. As I have said before, the democrat voters in this state (the same folks who brought us Robert Torricelli and Frank Lautenberg) will give him a complete pass on this one.

Because I figure that I’m going to be stuck with Mr. McGreevey for quite some time, I offer him some unsolicited advice for the future:

1. Try to choose your friends a bit more wisely. Even the normally democrat-leaning Star Ledger noted your “bad taste in friends.”

2. Hire yourself a lawyer or political advisor who will provide you with honest advice, rather than giving you the answers you want to hear, which results in after-the-fact legal justifications that are, on their face, ridiculous.

3. Follow the example set by the overwhelming majority of state employees, who understand the ethics rules and, accordingly, will not accept a free lunch or even a free cup of coffee while on state business (I’ve seen this myself).

4. Pay for your own damned vacations.

5. Pray regularly that your democrat constituents continue to remain willfully blind.

Living in Jersey…It’s an adventure.

ABC “News” with Peter Jennings.
Perhaps it was the product of a brain fart, but I actually watched Peter Jennings’ twenty-two minute editorial news broadcast tonight. In his editorial report on the photographs of Uday and Qusay Hussein, Mr. Jennings described them as the photographs of the “two men the military believes to be Uday and Qusay…”

Lest there be any doubt about which bit of Jennings tripe news broadcast I am referring to, it is the pure horseshit one that aired on July 24, 2003, the day the military believes to be Thursday.

The Truth Laid Bear Undergoing Repairs.
For those of you who have been wondering what’s up with the Blogosphere Ecosystem, N.Z. Bear lays it out in a post called “Everything is Wrong.” He describes the problem (which is way, way beyond my grasp) and is providing updates on the repairs.

Down Under.
Given that I am not long on content at the moment, I thought I would pass this along. I received it from a friend, and it cracked me up. Supposedly these questions about Australia were posted on an Australian website, and the answers were provided by an Aussie with a terrific sense of humor.

Enjoy.

1.Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney – can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it’s only three thousand miles. Take lots of water.

4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
A: Let’s not touch this one.

6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific, which does not… oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

8. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here, and we’ll send the rest of the directions.

9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is…oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys’ Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

11. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don’t stink.

12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

14. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

15. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

16. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney, and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

17. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

18. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

19. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

20. Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first.

Thanks to Barbara for passing this along.

Broadway Show Recommendation.
Next time you find yourself in New York City, or if you are planning a trip there. You absolutely have to go see this show. It is pee in your pants funny.

Governor McGreevey – Reaching New Heights in Low Class.
Just when we thought our governor could not be more of a national embarrassment, it gets even worse. It turns out that the International Longshoremen’s Association (“ILA”), the labor organization that paid for the six-day vacation in Puerto Rico for the Gov and his family (see yesterday’s post), is under investigation by four (count ‘em) four federal and state agencies for possible connections with the Genovese crime family.

The President of the ILA, John Bowers, announced at the start of the organization’s convention in Puerto Rico (the event attended by our governor) that he expects that the ILA may soon be named in a federal racketeering suit. Presumably the suit he referred to is an outgrowth of the investigation being jointly conducted by the New York Statewide Organized Crime Task Force, the U.S. Attorney’s Office, the Waterfront Commission of New York Harbor, and the FBI.

This certainly is not the first time that organized crime has been linked to the ILA. In the 1970’s fully 117 ILA officers, dockworkers and shipping executives were successfully prosecuted, fined or jailed for racketeering. In fact, reports The Star Ledger, “Four straight general organizers, the third-ranking post at the ILA, were toppled by racketeering or corruption charges.”

Mr. Bowers, prior to the current investigation, was no stranger to law enforcement agencies. In 1990 Bowers settled a suit brought by the Justice Department to remove the influence of the Gambino and Genovese crime families from New York and New Jersey’s ports. Bowers settled the suit and relinquished one of his three presidencies.

Much of Bower’s current trouble apparently stems from the testimony given by a former Genovese crime family member who turned state’s evidence and testified about the cozy relationship between Bowers, the ILA and the Genovese crime family.

McGreevey’s press secretary (not an enviable job these days) issued the following spin, “The governor’s trip is not about whether one officer is under investigation. The governor’s trip is about the thousands of people who work in the ports of New Jersey.” I guess if you get paid to be the governor’s press secretary, you have say something.

However, in a twisted sense, he is partially correct. The governor’s trip is not about one officer being under investigation. Rather it is about the governor’s shamelessly accepting large gifts from an organization with a long, sordid history of close ties with organized crime families, whose members over the years have been successfully prosecuted for racketeering, shakedowns and various other crimes including conspiracy and arson.

In the end, it won’t matter. He’ll get a pass from New Jersey’s democrats.

It’s sickening.