It’s not easy being surrounded in the blogosphere by people who can whip up a three-column page, full of bells and whistles, at the drop of a hat. They’re certainly not bad people. In fact, they are kind and often helpful to the few truly techno-challenged among us – those of us who still get stomach flutters each time we open Mr. Template to add a site to the blogroll. Still, it’s sort of like hanging around all the time with an Indy 500 pit crew and not even knowing the names of the tools, never mind what the hell to do with them.

There are lots of things in life I don’t know a damned thing about, but it doesn’t bother me one bit. Take, for example, meteorology. I don’t know from high and low pressure fronts and rising and falling barometers. I really don’t care. Certainly I would be more likely to care if I were I farmer, but I’m not, so I don’t. I can always turn on the TV or open the front door to see what the weather is doing. Even if I was to sit down with a bunch of meteorologists and they decided to talk isobars and cold air masses, it wouldn’t bother me. I would just drift off into my own mental space and wonder if I can still remember all the chords to “Misty.”

However, computer stuff (at least the HTML-computer stuff) is different. It does frost my stindeens that I am such an HTML dweeb surrounded by people who can make HTML sing. As such, I did what I have done in the past when I found myself similarly situated. I bought a book. Actually, I already have a book called HTML, A Beginner’s Guide, but I guess its usefulness “depends on what the meaning of ‘beginner’ is.” I decided that I need a stooooopider book, so off to Barnes and Nobel I went.

I checked out HTML For Dummies, and in short order, I decided that not only do I not qualify as a “beginner,” but I don’t even make it to the “Dummy” level. I then came across a book entitled, Read Less – Learn More – HTML. I found a chair in Barnes and Nobel and began flipping through the pages. YES!!! This baby has pictures of the screen and is actually written in English. Just right for the sub-dummy. Sold!!

I brought it home, and within a couple minutes, I learned what some of the mysterious hieroglyphics that appear in my template mean. And in a few more minutes…check this out…

I actually learned how to do colors.

Laugh if you will, you three-column-sharpshooters, but for me, that was a homerun. Today colors, tomorrow…..Mister Template!!! Then someday…yes someday, I just might bitch-slap the Satanic Red Triangle.

Update: Here is THE BOOK, which I neglected to mention, comes with a CD that I have not yet fired up.