Is this the face of one of those blow-up dolls, or what?

Via The Country Store

Teresa: “What IS that you are putting our plates, Pierre?”

Pierre: “Those are grits, madam.”

Teresa: “Gricks?”

Pierre: “No, madam; grits.”

Teresa: “Grits? I never heard of them. What are they? Are they French? Anyway, they look awful.”

Pierre: “Grits are a corn-based food substance that is eaten by many commoners in the South. I prepared them without sugar, the way the commoners prefer them.”

John:

Teresa: “If this is food that is eaten by southern commoners, why the hell are you serving it to us?”

John:

Pierre: “Master John asked that I prepare them in advance of your campaign activities in the South, Madam.”

Teresa: “Is that true, MASTER John?”

John: “Yes it is, Muffin. We will be swinging through the southern states in a week or so, and I know that we will be asked to eat grits, so I thought we had better acquaint ourselves with them.”

Teresa: “Oh, is that what you thought? Well, think again, Shit-for-Brains. I have no intention of eating this common slop. Pierre! Pour this shit into the garbage and bring us eggs benedict.”

Pierre: “Of course, madam.”

John: “I’m not hungry now.”

Teresa: “Is this a bit of attitude I’m seeing here? Is Johnny gonna pout because I wouldn’t sign on to eating gricks, or grits, or whatever that swill is called?”

John:

Teresa: “Don’t even think about pulling that whiney bullshit with me, mister. You’ll eat your goddamned eggs benedict, or you’ll be on the floor, wearing a dog collar and eating Kibbles ‘n Bits.”

John:

Teresa: “Goddammit, John! You knew I was sleeping, and you have the nerve to come into my bedroom, turn the light on and stand there wearing nothing but an Army helmet, a flak jacket and combat boots! What the hell is wrong with you?”

John: “Please, Muffin?”

Teresa: “’Please’ my ass. I’m tired, and my face hurts like a bitch from my injections today. Leave me alone.”

John: “But Muffin, it’s my very favorite game.”

Teresa: “I told you before that I am tired of being the ‘young beautiful Vietnamese peasant girl you rescue from the marauding Americans who are burning my village and trying to rape me and then cut off my ears’.”

John:

Teresa: “Now get lost.”

John: “Well then, how about a new game? We can pretend that the bed is my swiftboat and that you’re the young beautiful Vietnamese peasant who falls out of the boat and I come back and drag you from the water into the boat while everyone shoots at us and stuff.”

Teresa: “Asshole, how many times to I have to tell you to leave me alone. Now, go back to your room, put on your Doctor Denton’s, and go to bed.”

John:

When you’re standing around outside for 7 or so hours at a street festival with friends, with no place to sit, and when you have an unlimited supply of draft beer, and you have no place to set your beer down, you drink a helluva lot of beer.

Take a look.

Thanks to Shirley, the Hoosier, for the pic.

Rick James, a musician who was best known for his recording of “Super Freak” was found dead in his home on August 6th. He was a crack cocaine devotee who once identified himself as an “icon of drug use and eroticism.” By age 56, had had already survived a stroke, had a pacemaker, and suffered from diabetes.

Because he had not recently seen a doctor, an autopsy was performed. The coroner’s report noted that nine drugs were found in his system, including cocaine, methamphetamine, Valium and Vicodin. Presumably because the amounts of the drug found were not, in themselves or in combination, life-threatening, the coroner’s report listed cause of death as a heart attack and ruled the death “accidental.”

Super Freak? Super Stupid Sad.

At a time when the Newark Housing Authority has had to lay off 99 people, its Executive Director, Harold Lucas, whose salary is $190,000 ($30,000 more than the mayor), has been renovating his office with taxpayer money, to include a $2,850 42-inch plasma television. Indeed the total cost of renovations during the past 18 months is approximately $400,000.

The Department of Housing and Urban Development in Washington (“HUD”) has recently sent Mr. Lucas a letter questioning the Authority’s spending practices, which include a payment in June of $25,000 to Kelstar Rising Inc., a non-profit organization run by Mr. Lucas’s daughter. In addition, Mr. Lucas’s wife, son, daughter-in-law and sister-in-law are employed by the Housing Authority and are paid a combined $190,942.

There is a bit of irony in HUD investigating Mr. Lucas’s running of the Newark Housing Authority, because Mr. Lucas had served as HUD’s Assistant Secretary for Public and Indian Housing in the Clinton Administration. In September 1998, during the hearings on Mr. Lucas’s nomination to the federal post, Senator Frank Lautenberg told the members of the Senate Banking, Housing and Urban Affairs Committee, “I can personally attest to [Mr. Lucas’s] integrity and ability to work well within a larger organization.”

Ooooooookay, Frank.

I’ll bet we all know someone who is losing his hair, and rather than going with it, does the “comb over” thing. Well, you know what they say about people and their dogs.

Teresa: “Who is that woman?”

John: “What woman, dear?”

Teresa: “You dopey bastard. Do you see anybody else in this room? The woman on the television; the black woman; the one making some kind of speech.”

John: “You’re kidding, right?”

Teresa: “Are you trying to make an ass of me? If I goddamn knew who she was, I wouldn’t have asked you. All I know is that she has those goofy teeth. She must have been a thumb sucker. Every time I see her on television, I change the station.”

John: “That is Condoleezza Rice.”

Teresa: “Condo-what?”

John: “Condo-leezza…Condoleezza Rice.”

Teresa: “Never heard of her. Why is she on the goddamn television all the time?”

John: “Teresa, she’s the President’s Chief National Security Advisor.”

Teresa:

John:

Teresa: “Well, when we’re elected, I want that job.”

John: “Muffin, I think we have to discuss…..”

Teresa: “There you go again with that ‘I think’ shit. I warned you about that. Pay attention, Groin Puss. I want that goddamned job, and you’ll damned well make it happen.”

John:

Teresa: “Now, get lost. Access Hollywood is coming on.”

John:

Today, U.S. District Court Judge Garret Brown dismissed a lawsuit that had been brought by two New Jersey attorneys seeking to force a special election for the governor’s office.

As I noted here, the basis of the lawsuit was that, by announcing his resignation on August 12th, Governor McGreevey effectively created a vacancy as of that date, and because the “vacancy” existed prior to September 3rd, the State Constitution requires that a special election be held.

The Court ruled that, because the Governor remains in office, no “vacancy” exists, and, as such, there is no requirement for a special election. This means that the president of the senate (Richard Codey) will act as governor (and also remain as the president of the state senate!) through November 2005.

No surprises there.

The attorneys vowed to bring the case in state court.

I’m not holding my breath waiting for a special election in November.