I have always been drawn to works of art that depict things bigger than they are in real life. For example, I have always been drawn to sculptures like this one in Philadelphia, and I grew up just a short ride from this larger-than-life statue of a woman. I hope someday to get to see this.

It is, therefore, not surprising that I would be a fan of the Discovery Channel’s series called “Big” even though the only episode I have so far seen involved the construction of a 31 foot electric guitar, which was built to scale from a 60’s vintage “Red Rocket” guitar (click on “guitar” box and tabs). It boasts having the world’s largest pickup, which was constructed by the guitar pickup guru, Seymour Duncan (check out the photos of the building of the pickup).

Of course, being a bit of a goofy bastard, thinking about all these “Big” things got me to wondering how big a suppository for an elephant would have to be. I figure that it would probably be about this big.

That constitutes today’s peek into the serpentarium inside my cruller.

As a result of the hard work of some well-placed sources, I managed to get an interview with a genuine comment spammer. Here’s how it went:

Jimbo: “What is your name, sir?”

Spammy: “My name is Sammy, but people in the business call me ‘Spammy.’ Kinda catchy, no?”

Jimbo: “Frankly, no.”

Spammy: “No sense of humor? That’s your problem.”

Jimbo: “I’m really not interested in your attempts at humor. I am, however, interested in learning more about what goes on in the minds of spammers like you.”

Spammy: “Let’s be clear here. All spammers are not alike. Don’t lump me in with the e-mail spammers. I am a ‘comment spammer’ – a specialist.”

Jimbo: “Oh, I see. A specialist, are you? .How many bloggers’ comments do you figure that you spam in a given day.”

Spammy: “cheapsattlelitetv dot com Are you kidding? I can spam 100,000 comments with a single mouse click. And, I can fit lots of mouse clicks into one day, let me tell you. penisextension dot com”

Jimbo: “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

Spammy: “cheap tickets dot com What do you mean, what do I think I’m doing? onlinepoker dot com”

Jimbo: “You son of a bitch. You’re spamming this conversation!”

Spammy: “texasholdem dot com Yeah, what of it? I never miss an opportunity. refinancenow dot com”

Jimbo: “Do you realize how many bloggers would like to cut your limbs off and feed them to you?”

Spammy: “freemovies dot com Sucks to be them, I guess. hotsex dot com”

Jimbo: “Do you have any idea how much I would like to cut your heart out and shove it up your ass?”

Spammy: “cheap Levitra dot com Well, then I guess it really sucks to be you, doesn’t it? lovematch dot com”

Jimbo: “Don’t push me, shitball.”

Spammy: “sisteraction dot com What are you going to do Chicky? Delete me? Bwahahahaha…….This interview is over. And, oh your comments are MINE! girlsongirls dot com“

Well, I tried.

On November 27th, without my having noticed, this blog became two years old.

In trying to think of something to say on this most inauspicious of occasions, I checked back to see what I said on the one-year anniversary of this undertaking. It turns out that everything I said then still applies, except that I am even more grateful for the number of times folks have stopped by here for a while (92,000+) and for the hours of wonderfully entertaining, and informative reading my fellow bloggers have shared with the world, including my small piece of it.

One thing that made this year special was the chance to actually meet some of you in person. Not surprisingly, what you read, is what you get in person. Accordingly, a special thanks to Eric, Rob, Velociman, Dax, Kelley, Key, Laughing Wolf, Aubrey, Zonker, Catfish, Denny, Geoff and Gordon, and Mammamontezz. Great people, all.

Finally, a very special thanks to Craig, my Montana pal, who keeps this place running and who always, always has time to lend a hand and the patience to deal with Jimbo, the cyber-dolt.

Again, thank you all so very much.

Thanks to my friend Bill from Missouri, a Navy Vet.

Darth Monkeybone at Mamamontezz’s place directs us to the Victor David Hanson essay, entitled “How Far We’ve Come.” It struck me as one of those pieces of writing that leaves me thinking that I ought to use this computer exclusively for online shopping and shoot-‘em-up games and stop pretending that I can successfully string sentences together in a manner that results in something that’s worth anyone’s time, including my own.

It’s not unlike those occasions when I would watch Gene Krupa, Buddy Rich, Joe Morello, or John Bohnam play drums, or Chet Atkins, Eric Clapton, or Mark Knopfler play guitar, and decide that the drumsticks and the guitar might make excellent kindling.

For me, the enjoyment that comes from reading or listening to the work of masters of their craft is sometimes tempered by the unpleasant realization that there are people (lots and lots of people) who can do the kinds of things I like to do far better than I can ever hope to do them.

I’ve never burned my sticks or my beloved Gibson, so I’ll certainly emerge from this latest inadequacy funk. However, for now, I think I’ll just use this high-tech paperweight to play a few games of Twenty Questions.

Thanks to karbonkountymoos for the Twenty Questions Link. It came in handy today.

Jon Corzine, currently serving his first term as one of New Jersey’s US Senators, today made his intentions to run for New Jersey Governor official. Given the news of the past several months, this announcement came as a surprise to no one, with possible exception of those few Garden Staters who may have awakened today from a sustained, deep coma.

The announcement came at a time when Richard Codey has been in the Governor’s job for just slightly more than two weeks, after having succeeded Jim McGreevey (everyone knows about him) on November 15th. Dick Codey, who has never officially stated his intentions of running for the office in 2005, nevertheless has been busy acting like a guy who wants to keep the job.

A couple of Republicans have announced their candidacy as well. There is Bret Schundler, former Mayor of Jersey City, and former unsuccessful gubernatorial candidate against Jim McGreevey. Also running is Doug Forrester, a conservative businessman, who ran for Senate against Robert Torricelli, but who lost his election bid when former US Senator Frank (the Cadaver) Lautenberg parachuted into the race with the blessing of the New Jersey Supreme Court, after it was clear that Robert Torricelli was too much of a crook to be elected even in Jersey. Doug Forrester has already bought a brain-numbing amount of radio time pitching himself as the “Reform Candidate.”

In my view, the republicans are pissing in the wind. Bret Schundler, who would probably be an excellent Governor, has no shot in this state. The last time he ran, he was tarred by democrats for being pro-life (as if any Governor could somehow overturn Roe v. Wade) and for being soft on gun control. (In the Garden State, it’s a well-established rule that only the criminals carry guns.) By contrast, Doug Forrester’s problem is that he is about as interesting as a dial tone.

Therefore, the Governor’s gig is Corzine’s for the asking, despite his completely lackluster performance as a US Senator, unless, of course, this year Dick Codey comes off as a Super-Governor and really make a palpable difference in the politics-as-usual in this state. Although I wish Mr. Codey well, I’ve lived in Jersey long enough to know better.

In announcing his candidacy today at a news conference held at Newark’s Gateway Center, Jon Corzine said,

As governor, I hope to make New Jersey one of the best places to live, to work, to go to school, to start a business, to grow old with dignity, to set a new standard of excellence.

I cannot help but wonder whether, before announcing such optimistic plans, Mr. Corzine, the multi-millionaire, bothered to walk a few hundred steps outside the front door of the Gateway Center to look at the real Newark. It’s more of the same old crap.

I say, why even bother with the sound and fury of political campaigns that will ultimately signify nothing in this state. It would be simpler, more cost-efficient and easier on the ears just to coronate Corzine next November and go on about our business in this state, which has become a national joke.

Updated to correct a screaming typo in the title that went completely unnoticed. Damned rum medicine.

It seems that we have lots of Carnivals in the Blogosphere: Carnival of the Vanities, Carnival of Capitalists, Carnival of Cats, and Carnival of Recipes, and there may be others that I am not aware of. Given that I am surrounded with hackers and wheezers in the real world and also in the blogosphere (e.g. moos has one and Buffy is on the brink), perhaps we should consider a Carnival of Colds?

We could share riveting stories about sneezes, wheezes, braaaaccks, hacks, and phlegm in varying quantities and degrees of opacity. We could compare notes about shills, pills, rubs, potions and various cures.

We could take turns hosting…..

”STOP THIS!! STOP THIS DUMBASS SHIT RIGHT NOW!!! This is Belle, Jimbo’s Muse, speaking, and I must apologize for his sorry assed post. I cannot believe that it has come to this. Yesterday he blogged about his cold (how verrrrrrrrry interesting, Jimbo), but he got away with it then by tagging a bit of content to the end of that serious waste of words. But, this is just ridiculous, and I won’t permit it. I have standards, you know.”

Jimbo: “Hey Belle, who the hell asked you? Take a hike.”

Belle: “Don’t give me that crap. You came to me today looking for some content, didn’t you. Admit it!”

Jimbo: “OK, already. I admit it. I was looking for some help here because I have this damned cold….”

Belle: “That’s correct, and what did I tell you?”

Jimbo: “You told me that you couldn’t help me today.”

Belle: “And precisely what did I say about WHY I couldn’t help you?”

Jimbo: “You told me that you couldn’t help because you felt like shit.”

Belle: “And I told you why I felt like shit, didn’t I? What did I tell you?”

Jimbo: “You said that you felt lousy, because you had a cold.”

Belle: “Exactly, Peanut Brain. I told you that I planned to take a couple days off to recover, and that I had absolutely no intention of writing about having a damned cold, because that is about as interesting as watching rust form. But, noooooooo. Ol’ Jimbo decides to go it alone. And, now look at the silly shit you wrote. ‘Carnival of the Colds,’ indeed. I don’t have to tolerate this kind of crap from you. It’s not part of our deal.”

Jimbo: “That’s the thing, Belle. I think that you’re just trying to pull some shit on me. I happen to know that Muses can’t catch cold. You wanna talk about our deal? Well, your malingering is damned well not part of our deal.”

Belle: “Oh, so you’re sure that Muses can’t catch colds? All of a sudden, you’re some kind of Muse malady expert? You are soooooo full of shit. You wanna see some cosmic phlegm? As for the malingering business, you can just kiss my fine ass. Our deal includes sick days. And, on those days I don’t expect to be embarrassed by the shit like you started to post here today. ‘Carnival of the Colds?’ Gimme a damned break”

Jimbo: “Jeez, Belle. I didn’t think it was that bad.”

Belle: “You’re hopeless, and I’ve about had it with you. Now you listen to me. If you have no content of your own and I am unable to help, for whatever goddamned reason, don’t try to wing it, because you just don’t pack the gear. And, if you do it again, I’m outta here.”

Jimbo:

Oh, about the Carnival of the Colds thing? Never mind.