This morning, I walked past a local hair salon and slowed down to be sure that I was correctly reading a printed sign in the window. The sign read:
EyebroW
Threading

I spent the better part of the remainder of my walk trying to figure out what the heck “EyebroW Threading” might be.

I found that, before I could focus on the big picture, I had to give a bit of thought to the use of the capital “W” on the sign. Accidental? Purposeful? If purposeful, to what end? Could it be a subtle reference to the President? Was it an attempt at a sort of graphic balance, with the letter “b” serving as the balance point in the word? After a few minutes, I decided that the use of the capital “W” was just plain dumb and that a small “w” would be more appropriate (and not dumb).

Having resolved the Capital “W” issue to my satisfaction, I lumbered along trying to divine what “Eyebrow Threading” might be. Here’s a disturbing peek into what goes on in my cruller on occasions such as this:

Jimbo asks Himself: “Might Eyebrow Threading describe the process of weaving someone’s eyebrows into cornrows or something similar?”

Jimbo answers Himself: ”Cornrows? Are you nuts? Some people have pretty bushy eyebrows, but no-damned-body has eyebrows long enough to weave them into cornrows. Besides, if that were the case, the sign would say ‘Eyebrow Weaving.’”

Jimbo asks Himself: “Wait a minute, dammit. I’ve seen Andy Rooney’s eyebrows, and I’ve seen where a guy carved the Lord’s Prayer on the head of a farookin’ pin. I’ll bet that a guy like that could weave cornrows in ol’ Andy’s eyebrows?”

Jimbo answers Himself: ”Yo, first of all, nobody has eyebrows as bushy as Andy Rooney’s, and second, you’re talking about a sign in a local hair salon in this bullshit town, fer Chrissakes. You think they would search the world to find the Head of a Pin Carving Guy and hire him to come here to weave farookin’ eyebrows? Sheesh.”

Jimbo asks Himself: “Well then, maybe Eyebrow Threading involves weaving decorative threads through people’s eyebrows? Maybe they hang decorative stuff from the threads?”

Jimbo answers Himself: ”Decorative threads? Man, sometimes you slay me. Have you ever seen anyone walking around with threads in his or her eyebrows? I didn’t think so, which means that you damned well never have seen anybody with little ornaments dangling from eyebrow threads. I think you need oxygen.”

Based on the foregoing admittedly unsettling schizoid conversation, I decided that neither one of knew what “EyebroW Threading” is. So, promptly upon my return to the House by the Parkway, I checked it out.

The straight skinny is that Eyebro[w] Threading is a form of cosmetic hair removal torture that originated in Arabia and Africa. The practitioner of this black art uses a special thread as a mini-lasso to ensnare eyebrow hairs (or hairs anywhere on the face or hands) and yank them out by the roots!

I have three observations concerning this practice:

1. Are you shitting me?

2. I had no idea my town was so … well… chic.

3. I wonder if they charge extra for a unibrow.