(Fill in the Blank) Day.
I must admit that Earth Day came and went and I never noticed it. Which is OK, given that, as far as I’m concerned, I think Earth Day is largely a crock of shit.
I figure that by going about each day trying not to foul my little corner of the world, I’m doing my bit for the environment. I don’t toss litter on the sidewalks and roads, and I comply with the local recycling ordinances, even though I have a feeling that a fair chunk of recycling money ultimately finds it way into the hands of the Tony Sopranos of the world.
In short, I really don’t need a designated day on which I am supposed to stare into crystals and pay homage to Mother Earth.
Perhaps I didn’t notice Earth Day, because it is one of many “designated†days in the year. Indeed, it seems to me that we are experiencing a “Designated-Day Delugeâ€. Here are some of them:
Martin Luther King Day
Groundhog Day
Valentine’s Day
President’s Day
Read Across America Day
President’s Day
St. Patrick’s Day
Secretary’sAdministrative Assistant’s DayMother’s Day
Memorial Day
D-Day
Flag Day
Father’s Day
Independence Day
Columbus Day
Mother-in-Law Day (no, really!)
Labor Day
Grandparents Day
Veterans Day
Election Day
Smoke-out Day
It’s a bit bewildering.
Before we run out of days to “designateâ€, here are a few that I would like to see added to the list:
No Chuck Schumer Press Conference Day
Flip Someone the Bird Day (this is actually celebrated every day in Jersey.
Don’t Kill Anyone in the Name of Any Religion Day
Turn Your Damned Cell Phone Off Day
Change Guitar Strings Day (a handy reminder for folks like me)
Wash Your Undies Day (for the truly nuclear Stinkies among us)
Drink to Excess Day (for non-Irish folks; the Irish already have a day)
Blow Smoke in a Particularly Rude Non-Smoker’s Face Day
Don’t Pick Your Nose in the Car Day
Break Wind Loudly and Laugh Hysterically Day
All I know is that I’ve about had enough of today, which for all I know may well have been Shit in Your Hat and Punch it Day.
