Ask Hillary. (Vol. 6)
You’ve Got Questions? I’ve got Answers.
Because I’m Very Smart, and You’re … Very Not.
Dear Senator Clinton:
Who is your favorite Beatle?
Sincerely,
Joan McDill
Dear Joan,
This one’s easy! LOL. Of course, it is JOHN!
Don’t get me wrong; I loved all the Fab Four, but Paul always seemed a little fruity to me, George always looked like he had lots of cavities, and Ringo – he sort of seemed like he could almost be, like, you know, — a republican. You know, he’s … like … sooooooooo stupid. LOL!
But, JOHN! OMFG! I was in college when “Sgt. Pepper†came out. I used to do lots of shrooms and stare at the cover while I played it on my stereo.
“Picture yourself in a boat on a river,
With tangerine trees and marmalade skiesâ€
I’ll bet you didn’t know that I was the “girl with kaleidoscope eyesâ€. It’s true!!! I had sent him my picture and a lock of my hair, and next thing I knew, he wrote that song about me.
Then along came that bitch, Yoko. JOHN was supposed to be MINE. I had sent him lots of valentines and shit too.
They were some kickass shrooms.
Dear Senator Clinton:
Are you a Bob Dylan fan? I figure you must be, because you’re like totally smart and all.
Sincerely,
Rachel Feingold.
Dear Rachel,
Girl, you must be pretty smart yourself, because you’re absolutely right on both counts. I am totally smart, and I am a super Dylan fan. OMG, I remember one time he came to play at Yale. Bill and I smoked a shitload of primo weed during the concert. It was sooooo cool. But that’s not the best part.
Bill had scored a couple backstage passes and we got to hang out with Bob and his crew, where we smoked some of the finest herb on the planet, let me tell you. It was groovy as hell. After smoking all that weed, Bill ate three pizzas, and I ate one of Bob’s dreamy groupies. It was a hoot! LOL!
Dear Senator Clinton:
I am a huge fan of yours, and I plan on voting for you in 2008. I will be starting law school in September, and I have often read that you are one of best women lawyers in the country, and I hope someday to be a most excellent lawyer too. I would appreciate it if you would send me a list of law review articles you have written and the landmark cases you have worked on so I can jumpstart my legal studies.
Very truly yours,
Mary Shannon
Dear Mary,
I have been looking all over for that list. I figure the damned dog must have eaten it.
Let me get back to you on that.
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