The recent Tennessee Gathering of reprobates bloggers (and a few non-bloggers) was quite an event. A detailed description could fill a small book and, besides, a good deal of what happens at a blogmeet must stay at a blogmeet. If you’ve ever been to one, ya know whereof I speak. Anyway, here are some highlights:

The Cast of Characters

Eric (the Host): Eric was, as usual, the consummate host. Somehow he managed to make a group of Vulgarians from all over the country feel right at home. In addition to that, he fired up a wonderful meal of “REE-yubs”, which greatly pleased the carnivores. At one point, he did manage to draw his sword, but no one, including Eric, was injured in the process. Many thanks to him for a great time.

Mrs. SWG (the Tolerator): What can I say? Mrs. SWG, with uncommon grace, put up, yet again with the noise and chaos that surrounds these events and the debris that results. Thank you, Mrs. SWG.

Denny, the Grouchy Old Cripple from Atlanta: Denny (who was not in the least grouchy) showed up with his infectious laugh and his axe, so that we could do our “Elderly Brothers” act. A blogmeet just ain’t a blogmeet without Denny.

Elisson and SWMBO: Elisson and his lovely bride, SWMBO, arrived in red car that looked not unlike a brick with wheels. Elisson, as usual, sported his trademark white lid and dazzled the multitudes with his lightening-fast wit and uncanny ability to conjure up lyrics on short notice. Although I had met Elisson before, this was the first time I met SWMBO, about whom Elisson writes often and lovingly. I can see why. She is a very nice lady. However, on one occasion, she swooped in out of the sun with a hilarious bit of scatological humor that was a solid 10.

Yabu: Holy crap! I figure Yabu must have a thyroid the size of a grapefruit. He is “All Ahead Full – All the Time”. I knew this would be an interesting meet when Yabu said, “I brought a rocket.” You can’t make this shit up.

Dax Montana: Dax roared in with a trunk full of firewood, camping gear and one sweet guitar. In what is becoming a tradition, he took a spot at the “bar” where he concocted his trademark “Red-headed Sluts”. I have learned from prior blogmeets that Red-headed Sluts are something that should only be ceremoniously tasted if one has designs on remaining vertical for the duration.

T1G from Drunken Wisdom: I always enjoy T1G’s company. I expect that he can be as tough as he looks, and I figure that’s why he doesn’t have to act like a tough guy. He’s one of those soft-spoken guys who, when he speaks, is always worth listening to. He also brought his axe along, but didn’t play it nearly enough.

Zonker: I have never attended a blogmeet outside New Jersey where Zonker was not on the case and one of the main players. A special thanks to him for gifting me with a primo bottle of bourbon. It is difficult to conjure up a more thoughtful guy. Oh, and he cracks me up too.

Velociman: As usual, looking as if he had just climbed out of the cockpit of a 747 and donned his civvies, V-Man appeared on the scene drinking what he wanted us all to believe was a bottle of water. The illusion of righteous legitimacy might have worked, but then Zonker showed everyone the infamous “Monkey Video”.

Johnny Oh, the Closet Extremist: Johnny has a solid gold sense of humor, which he managed to display even while crawling over Eric’s roof to retrieve “da Rocket”. It was good to see him again.

RedNeck: Yep, ‘Neck was on the case, and he always manages to crack my Yankee ass up. One particularly endearing (albeit amazing) thing about ‘Neck is that he actually appears to like to listen to Denny and me play our shit, even when it turns into a train wreck.

RSM: This marks the second time I have met RSM, and, again, I didn’t get as much chance to shoot the breeze as I would have liked. He’s really nice guy, who obviously spends a fair amount of time in the gym and who, on one occasion, clearly demonstrated his command presence by getting the attention of the gathering for an announcement and thereby preventing Eric from stabbing himself with his sword. Which was a good thing, because, by that time, I fear that Eric’s blood might have been flammable.

Big Stupid Tommy: I met him for the first time. He is a big guy, and his name is Tommy, but he ain’t stupid, as his blog amply demonstrates. Hell of a nice guy. I wish he could have hung around a bit more.

Boudicca and Mordicca: Two hysterically funny, knockdown good looking, brainy and witty sisters, who are an absolute pleasure to be with. There is absolutely nothing not to like about this twofer.

Sissy: This is the second time I had the pleasure of seeing Sissy. Cool babe, and I believe she also likes to listen to Denny and me carry on musically, for which she scores bonus points.

Teresa of Technicalities: Teresa persevered through a travel nightmare to make it to Tennessee (and found us at a local eatery!), for which I am most grateful, because it finally gave me a chance to meet this lovely lady. Teresa announced that she remained at the ready to serve as a designated driver for any Vulgarian in need of one. She is a class act.

Caltechgirl of Not Exactly Rocket Science: I believe that Caltechgirl wins the prize for having traveled the farthest (from Cali-farookin’-fornia!) to party with this gang of reprobates. I’m glad she did, as she is first-class peeps.

Recondo 32 and Georgia: I get a major kick out of Recondo and Georgia. Recondo is Pure South (He considers Tennessee to be far north), and Georgia is an absolute pisser. Knowing Georgia for five minutes is like knowing her for a lifetime. Fortunately, I now know her and Recondo a good deal longer than five minutes. They presented me with the gift of a “firearm” that, even in Jersey, would not require a permit. It shoots rubber bands and now sits proudly on the bookcase to my left.

And, Last but Absolutely not Least, Ken, my friend and bodyguard:: Ken was with me a couple years ago in Helen and decided to make the Tennessee trip. We logged 1,737 miles in his bigass Buick Rendezvous, and he drove all the way. One would have to look long and hard to find a better friend than Ken.

Some Highlights

Rocketry. Yes, Virginia, Yabu did bring a rocket, and, yes, we fired it. Actually, Elisson did just about all the technical pre-launch stuff. Ken actually threw the switch. I stood around thinking, “You just cannot make this shit up.” Elisson captured the moment of launch with his high-tech camera, while my 27-exposure disposable Fuji camera and my lightening-fast reflexes captured (I think – the film is still in the camera) a picture of the launch pad after the rocket shot skyward.

Chocolate Vodka. Yes, I introduced the Vulgarians to the wonders of Three Olives Chocolate Vodka. Despite my warnings, I think a couple folks may not have not fully appreciated that the stuff can be a chocolate sledgehammer.

Campfire. I was reminded that there are not many things nicer than sitting around a campfire and shooting the shit under the stars. Some of the more adventuresome slept outside in a tent. Some of the Ueberadventuresome didn’t bother with a tent and just hopped in their sleeping bags under the stars. Of course, they all froze their stindeens off, particularly the Ueberadventuresome.

Darkness. Man, it is farookin’ DARK in Tennessee. We don’t “do” dark where I live. At one point when I was going on about how dark it is at night, Georgia said, “Welcome to America, Jimbo.” I believe she is right.

Biscuits and Gravy. I think we could use these up North.

Taylor Ham. Ken and I introduced the Non-Garden Staters to New Jersey’s favorite mystery meat. I think they liked it.

The Dumbest Thing I Packed. A novel. What the hell was I thinking?

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I have a few more observations to make, but this post is already way too long.

Suffice it to say that it was one gorilla-stompin’ good time, and I’d do it again in a New York Jersey Minute.