Dear Diary,

I know it’s been a while since I’ve made an entry, but I have been sooooooo busy with important Speaker in the House stuff. But, anywhoooo, I have a few minutes, so I thought I’d catch up.

The other night I went to L.A. to see Barbra Streisand’s concert. OMFG, she is so totally awesome. In the middle of her show she announced that I was in the audience, and everyone stood up and cheered for MEEEEEE!!!!!! I couldn’t believe it – a standing croation from all those people – for me!!! Then she sang, “Happy Days Are Here Again”. Dear Diary, let me tell you; I had to choke back the tears. Too bad she has saggy tits.

How about those shitheels in the democrat carcass voting to make that asshole Steny Hoyer the Majority Leader? Miserable bastards. I’ll bet that, over the years, I’ve shown half of them my tits, and this is what I get in return?

Those bastards knew goddamned well that I wanted Johnny Murtha for the job. He is the only one who knows how to deal with that Iraq thing. I like his idea of reemploying the troops to Ogallala. Believe you me, if we do that, the tiarists will stop all the silliness. I always say, “If you want to make a friend, you have to be a friend.”

So anyway, after the vote was announced, I had to pose for a picture with that Steny creep. While the photographer was taking the picture, Steny whispered in my ear that I had a hot ass. Of course, he’s right about that, but nobody – NO-BOD-DEE with a stupid name like “Steny” gets to fondle the Pelosi booty. Well nobody, except if you have a name like “Barack”.

OMFG! Is that guy hot or what? Fondle away Baracky!! LOL. Dear Diary, I have a super seeeeecret plan. Here it is. OMG, the next time I pass Baracky in the House of the Senate, I’m going to rub my tits against him and give him a wink. The boy will be MINE! LOL!!!

Well, Dear Diary, I have to stop writing now, because my friend Hilly is on her way over and she’s bringing some bitchin’ Panama Red with her. When I asked her where she scored such primo herb, she wouldn’t tell me, but I know damned well it was Teddy. He’s always got tons of good shit at his place. LOL!

OMG, check this out. Hilly is also bringing one of those George Bush dolls.

I was like, “A George Bush doll? Why the hell are you bringing a George Bush doll?”

She was like, “We can take turns peeing on it. It’ll be awesome!”

ROTFLMAO!!!!!

Is she the best, or what?

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