Ask Hillary (Vol. 7)
You’ve Got Questions? I’ve got Answers.
Because I’m Very Smart, and You’re … Very Not.
Dear Senator Clinton:
First, I want to congratulate you on your victory and the victory of the Democratic Party in November. And, I saw yesterday that you have now made public your intention to seek the presidency. I am thrilled to hear that. I know it is very early in the process, but I was wondering whether you have given any thought to a possible running mate in 2008?
Sincerely,
Agnes Wentworth
Dear Agnes,
Thank you for saying such nice things. It was a pleasure reading your letter, which typifies the intellect, good taste and civility that is the hallmark of the Democratic Party. And, yes, I have publicly expressed my interest in running for the presidency, because I think it’s high time that we got those stinking rat bastard, pieces of fascist shit out of the White House.
As for a Vice President pick, I’m going to go with Speaker Pelosi (I call her Pearl). She is great looking, she’s soooooooper smart, she can damned near chug a fifth of Jack Daniels and she has processed more pharmaceuticals than Pfizer. She’s also got great tits.
OMG, I just had an idea! I don’t think the “Clinton-Pelosi†ticket has much pizzazz. I’m thinking of calling the ticket simply “Four Titsâ€. ROTFLMAO!!!!! Four Tits versus Two Dumb Asses!!!! Is that awesome, or what? LOL!!
Dear Senator Clinton:
I see that John Bolton has resigned his position as Ambassador to the United Nations. Your thoughts?
Sincerely,
Judy Weingetner
Dear Judy,
Oh, you are referring to Mr. Grumpy Pants. LOL!!! Good riddance, I say. He is simply not caring, sensitive, or tolerant enough to effectively deal with those rag heads and spear chuckers our international colleagues in the U.N.
I’ve been thinking about who my appointee to that job will be once I am elected. So far, Barbra Streisand and Katie Couric are on the short list. Truth is, I think Katie has better tits. This will be a tough choice.
Dear Senator Clinton:
We all know that, once you win in 2008, the reTHUGlicans are going to be mighty pissed, and unlike the spirit of cooperation our party showed them when they were in power, I suspect that they will do everything possible to undermine your administration. Do you have a plan for dealing with that?
Admiringly,
Markus Sandoval
Dear Markus,
Do I have a plan? You betcha I have a plan! In fact, I have a kickass plan.
The day after I’m sworn in we will begin rounding up all the dangerous dumbshits who voted for Chimpy McHitleriburtonflightsuitmissionaccomplishedAWOLchickenhawkdrunkwarforoil and send them to “special†camps in Nevada (Harry Reid says he has plenty of land to sell to the government for this purpose). It will be freakin’ AWESOME to see those miserable bastards hauled away in rail cars. LOL!!!
Progressive bloggers and their troopers have already lined up to serve as camp guards, and Nancy (a/k/a Pearl) is working on a design for their uniforms. I think something in a basic black would be nice. LOL!!!
I know what you’re thinking. “But, Madam President, won’t it be expensive keeping millions of people locked up in camps?â€
No it won’t, because they won’t be there for all that long. You see, the camps have plenty of showers (wink wink). What a freakin HOOT!!
Dear Senator Clinton:
Please, PLEASE answer this question honestly. Do you color your hair?
Curiously,
Barbara Nesmith
Dear Barbara:
Please, PLEASE answer this question honestly. How would you like your property seized and your tax returns audited? I can make it happen, BITCH.
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