This Sunday at the Post, we made up a gallon or so of Apple Knockers, which consists of fresh apple cider into which one pours commercially available mulling spices and heats it to just shy of a boil. It is laced with a generous slug of Laird’s Applejack (New Jersey’s very own for almost 300 years – George Washington drank the stuff) and served with a cinnamon stick.

Once the spices, cider, Applejack and cinnamon stick sing in harmony, the drink smells wonderful and is simply delicious. So much so that it was happily quaffed by the all the Usual Suspects – except for my buddy Paulie. You see, Paulie is a Budweiser Man down to his bone marrow, and when he’s in top form he can keep the night shift working at the brewery. Spirits never pass his lips.

Still, I thought that he might just like an Apple Knocker. What’s not to like? So, I figured I’d offer him a sip of mine

:Me: “Yo, Paulie! Try this.”

Paulie: “Nah, I don’t drink that shit.”

Me: “Just taste it, fer Chrissakes; it’s apple goddamned cider with a little apple whiskey in it.” (offering him my cup)

Paulie: (Takes the cup and sniffs) “It smells like a f***ing candle!”

Which caused everyone anywhere near him to piss their pants laughing.

Paulie … I farookin’ love the guy.

Update: More about the infamous Paulie here. He absolutely slays me.