Nancy and Rosa — A Raise?
As the SPEAKER was nodding off while resting after her Botox treatment, working on her tan and a bottle of Cristal, Rosa, her housekeeper, was picking up empty bottles near the place where the SPEAKER was resting.
Nancy: Dammit, Rosa. Can’t you see I’m resting?
Rosa: I’m sorry Ma’am. I didn’t know you were sleeping.
Nancy: You didn’t know I was sleeping? Didn’t you see that my eyes were closed?
Rosa: No, Ma’am. I could not see your eyes, because you had them covered with – are they pickles?
Nancy: No, they’re not pickles, for Chrissake – they’re cucumber slices – organic goddamned cucumber slices.
Rosa: I’m sorry Ma’am. But, now that you’re awake, there is something I’ve been meaning to ask you.
Nancy: Well, now that you’ve screwed up my nap, you may as well ask. What is it?
Rosa: Remember a year ago when I asked if I could get a raise?
Nancy: Oh, Jesus. Is that what you want to talk about? I really don’t want to get into that shit all over again.
Rosa: I know you don’t like to talk about it, Ma’am, but I really am having trouble making ends meet on $2.50 an hour. I was hoping that you could raise my pay by a dollar an hour.
Nancy: Are you shitting me? That’s a forty percent increase!! You are one ungrateful cow! You think it’s all about money? Don’t I let you use the kitchen to make your lunch?
Rosa: Yes, but I bring my own food to cook.
Nancy: You think electricity grows on the friggin’ trees, Rosa? Christ, I give you all my old copies of People magazine, I give you two ten minute breaks a day, I give you my old lipsticks, and I let you take stale bread home to make whatever the hell it is you people make with it. On top of that you want to be paid $3.50 an hour? Don’t be ridiculous.
Rosa: Well, Ma’am. I just thought that, you know, when I saw you in the news talking about raising the federal minimum wage, you might ……
Nancy: What the hell are you saying?
Rosa: Please, Ma’am. I’m not asking to be paid the minimum wage, even though the lady at the Department of Labor said I was entitled to it.
Nancy: You called the Department of Labor?
Rosa: Don’t worry, Ma’am, I didn’t tell them who I am.
Nancy: You listen to me, bitch. You pull a stunt like that again, and I’ll ship your ass back to Shitholas, or whatever you call that dump you’re from.
Rosa: I apologize, Ma’am. It won’t happen again. I promise. But, what about the raise? I really could the extra money.
Nancy: No friggin’ way. You comprende? Now, bring me two fresh slices of cucumber and another bottle of Cristal.
Rosa: Right away, Ma’am.
