I dedicate this bit of Jerseyspeak to Elisson.

Via Recidivism

Yes, the place is looking a bit strange, I know. Craig, the guy who has graciously kept this blog up and running for years, has opened the hood to update some of the engine parts.

That is all.

Rube, my globe-wandering buddy, writes:

Without the fallback of a DOS prompt, you had to have a second, fully-functional machine to do things like edit the CONFIG.SYS on the installation floppies to make sure your DASD drivers were loading. And most of the drivers were written so that, if they encountered an error while loading, they’d bork the whole boot process, just to be on the safe side.

WTF?

Over the past week or so, I have become sort of a “Mr. Grumpy Pants”. True, the malady is in the nature of a Free-Floating Case of the Ass, but, after some reflection, and attributing a portion of my Case of the Ass to various bits of Life 101, I realized that my rotten-assed disposition is traceable to the antics of these lemons, every single one of whom has made me want to put my fist through a wall over the past month.

They are in no particular order, and if you need links to know who they are and why they give me a Case of the Ass, then you too probably qualify for the list.

Hillary Clinton
Bill Clinton
Barack Obama
Dick Durbin
Chuck Hagel
Chuck Schumer
Bob Menendez
Frank Lautenberg
John Edwards
Elizabeth Edwards (Yes, it is a shame that she is ill)
Dennis Kuchinich
Rosie O’Donnell
Barbara Walters
Joy Behar
Sean Penn
Madonna
Sheryl Crow
Al Gore
Daryl Hanna
Bill Moyers
Harry Reid
Nancy Pelosi
John Murtha
Jesse Jackson
Tim Russert
Lawrence O’Donnell
Ron Kuby
Barney Frank
Ted Kennedy
Cindy Sheehan
Robert Kennedy, Jr.
Jon Corzine (Yes, I’m glad he’s recovering)
Jim McGreevey
Barbra Streisand
Sandy Berger
Dan Rather
David Gregory
Katie Couric
Chris Matthews
Eleanor Clift
John Kerry
Al Sharpton
Tim Russert
Joe Biden
Charlie Rangel
Patrick Leahy
Chris Dodd
Jane Fonda
Barbara Boxer
Andrea Mitchell
Helen Thomas
Jonathan Alter
Bill Maher
Maureen Dowd

Note: Each time I thought I was ready to post this entry, I thought of another person who belongs on the list. I’m posting it now, even though I am sure I omitted more than a few who belong on the list. I think I need a break.

Despite the perfectly rotten weather, this is what’s on the agenda for tonight. I figure it should be fun.

This is just one of a gazillion reasons why I don’t watch American Idol.

OK, already! Enough! I’ve had it with the Television News Vans parked outside the House by the Parkway. I’m tired of getting the non-stop phone calls from Brian Williams, Katie Couric and that Guy on ABC, all wanting to know the same thing.

Yo, Jimbo. What’s your reaction to the Sheryl Crow thing with the one sheet of toilet paper? Now, she’s saying it was all a big joke. Your thoughts, Jimbo?”

Oddly enough, Ms. Crow’s suggestion that one sheet should be enough to get the heiney wipage done did seem ridiculous enough to have been a joke. The problem is that in the past she was undeniably dead serious when she said things such as this:

I think war is based in greed and there are huge karmic retributions that will follow. I think war is never the answer to solving any problems. The best way to solve problems is to not have enemies.

I laughed out loud when I first read that drivel, so for me it had the effect of a joke.

And then there are gems like this:

In my mind, there are two motivators for action and those are Love and Fear. Any action stemming from Fear will never set anyone on a positive and truthful course. It is my belief that our desire to democratize countries such as Iraq, Iran, etc., is imperialistic and based on greed.

Why are there no discussions taking place regarding the possibility of using alternative means to fuel our cars, (our SUVs), alleviating us from having to be slaves to the oil industry? Is it because the automobile industry is a monstrous moneymaking presence in this country?

Why are there no discussions on shrinking the size of tires so that our cars use less gasoline, thus lessening our dependency on outsiders [sic] oil? Not only are we threatening our environment in real and tangible ways, we are being slaves to the mentality of greed.

This from a woman who demands lavish backstage arrangements and travels with a fleet of gas and diesel burning vehicles that could accommodate an infantry company.

To me, that too qualifies as a joke.

I, therefore, have to conclude that her serious statements sound like jokes, and her statements that actually do sound like jokes are quite probably very serious.

Besides, I believe that in Ms. Crow’s case, one sheet would work. It is reasonable to assume that when she pulls her head out of her ass long enough to run her mouth, her hair cleans out most of the ca-ca, leaving only a small amount behind, which can be easily managed with just one sheet.

Which, of course, qualifies her as a genuine shithead.

Seeing as how I have absolutely nothing interesting or amusing to contribute, I thought I’d share something that was sent to me by my pal Shirley, from, as her husband Art would say, “The Great City of Fort Wayne, Indiana.”

Here goes:

HOW TO START EACH DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK
1. Open a new file in your computer.
2. Name it “Hillary Rodham Clinton”
3. Send it to the trash.
4. Empty the trash.
5. Your PC will ask you, “Do you really want to get rid of “Hillary Rodham Clinton?”
6. Firmly Click “Yes.”
7. Feel better.

Longtime readers may notice that I have written about this before in more detail, but it bears repeating.

Over the weekend I did some significant butchery to my upper lip while shaving. It was one of those gashes where one doesn’t notice the wound until after shaving is complete. Nay, it was immediately and painfully apparent that I took a chunk of meat from Mr. Upper Lip. The bleeding was instantaneous and profuse.

I tried direct pressure, with toilet paper of course, (Sorry Ms. Crow), which did absolutely zippo to stop the serious bleeding. Moving on to a more sophisticated fix, I tried a styptic pencil. I felt the burn and took that to equate with efficacy. Wrong. The bleeding continued.

Clearly, it was time for Da Teabag. Yes, as noted above, the wet teabag has never failed to stem the flow of blood from a shaving cut within a few minutes.

As a public service, I am again extolling the wonderful powers of the humble teabag, with a particular eye toward the ladies and the shaving accidents that I suspect often befall them.** While conjuring up the potential widespread geography of such accidents makes me shudder, I can well appreciate the need to stem the flow of blood.

I, therefore, remind you to toss a box of teabags into your shopping cart the next time you are in the supermarket – even if you don’t drink the stuff. You’ll thank me.

** I seem to recall reading that Eric, who could shave his baby face with a wet towel, uses a razor, geographically speaking, considerably south of his moosh. He would be well advised to keep a large box of teabags on hand.

June 9, 1944

President Franklin D. Roosevelt
The White House
Washington, D.C.

Dear President Roosevelt:

I have been following the grim news of the invasion of France. From what I have read, the airborne assault was a disaster scattering men all over the French countryside, the bombing in advance of the amphibious assault was too far inland to do any good, the naval bombardment left the German gun emplacements intact, and most of the tanks never made it to the beach, all resulting in massive numbers of American casualties (estimates are 1,400 dead and 3,200 wounded).

In short, this is yet another example of the gross mismanagement of this war.

When one considers the losses this country has already suffered in Bataan, Guadalcanal, Anzio and Tarawa, I think it is safe to say that the war is lost.

This is to advise you that I will be meeting with my colleagues in the Senate and conferring with the leadership in the House of Representatives to formulate measures we will take to put an end to this horrible misadventure.

Very truly yours,

Harry Reid
Majority Leader, United States Senate