Regrettably, most peeps’ experience of the Garden State is the smelly, industrial and tank farm shithole that borders the New Jersey Turnpike in the vicinity of Newark Airport. New Jersey is the most densely populated state in the Union, and for those of us who live in the Northeastern part of the state, “wildlife” consists of squirrels, a rabbit or two and the occasional possum (which sends people into a state of apoplexy).

By contrast, in other parts of the state (all of which are a short drive away – depending on traffic, of course) are a regular farookin’ wild kingdom.

I’ve written extensively about the politics of the problems with black bears in New Jersey (I’m too lazy to chase down the links – use the search box for “bears”), but who would have thought we would have a farookin’ coyote problem?

It’s true. Coyotes in Jersey. Who knew?

It’s a real problem. Seems that a coyote badly bit a five-year old in the head and tried to gobble up a 22-month old – all in a town that is a scant forty miles from New York City.

A local cops tried to shoot one with his sidearm, but missed. Shooting the varmints in Jersey poses a special problem, given the density of the population in the places where the animals have been seen (even in North Jersey – Oy!). A rifle shot will certainly cross about a dozen property lines and may well find its way into someone’s sorry ass while he’s in the yard reading the newspaper. As such, the state Department of Environmental Protection (“DEP”) has arranged for people who actually know how to shoot to use night vision gear to try to plug the coyotes without shooting any peeps.

At the same time, the Head of the DEP (a Governor Jon “Speedy” Corzine moonbat appointee) stated, “We will do more to educate residents about coyotes so we can replace fear with facts.” Well, isn’t that precious? Tell that to the parents of the mauled kid.

Oh, and speaking of bears, the other day, the DEP authorized the shooting of one that actually broke into a home.

Farookin’ bears? Farookin’ coyotes? In Jersey?

I knew I should have bought myself a cowboy hat while I was in Texas a month ago.