I finally got around to buying a DVD Player.

Although finally buying something in 2007 that has been available since 1996 is pretty lame, but it’s not as bad as it sounds. We have a laptop DVD player and another one built in to the upstairs TV, but the built-in DVD player was on the fritz. What makes this a big deal is that I never had a DVD player hooked up to the TV in the room where Mr. Recliner resides. Don’t ask. It’s a long, boring story starring Yours Truly as the Techno-Doofus.

Anyway, a week or so ago when I tried to fire up the VCR (I had one of those, but I hadn’t used it in a couple years) to tape the final episode of the Sopranos for a friend of mine, the damned thing was obviously kaput. As a result, I had to move the TV (and the cabinet housing it) away from the wall to unplug the stuff that married the VCR to the digital cable box and the TV.

While I was behind the TV, I took the time to see what kind of inputs the TV has. I had always thought that because it is a very old TV (Don’t ask. Another long story), it lacked the necessary inputs to permit the hookup of a DVD Player. To my surprise, it looked to me (based on some recently acquired information about DVD Player hookupage) that hooking up a DVD player might not be out of the question. Visions of actually watching DVDs while sitting in Mr. Recliner began to dance in my head.

As it happens, Ken, my friend and bodyguard, was at the House by the Parkway to do me a huge favor (more on that at a later date), so he took a look and confirmed that a DVD player could be hooked up. Seeing as how he was headed out to Best Buy to look at some speakers, I decided to go along to buy TWO DVD Players – one for the upstairs TV and one for the room where Mr. Recliner resides.

I managed to find exactly what I was looking for, namely two DVD Players that do absolutely nothing more than – you guessed it — play DVDs. I don’t want to record TV programs, I don’t want to program the thing to come on and go off at specified times (as if I could if I wanted to), and I don’t want programmable electric asswipes. I wanted two widgets that PLAY DVDs – nothing more. They were on sale for $29.95 each!

Ken, being anal and all, and also knowing that I would wring my hands for months over actually plugging the units in, insisted we return immediately to the House by the Parkway to install them. He managed to do just that on both sets without reading any instructions, but rather by plugging and unplugging wires and pressing a shitload of buttons until it was right. I need to learn how to proceed with such reckless techno-abandon.

So, yesterday, I happily planted my ass in Mr. Recliner and actually watched a DVD, one that the Wiseass Brooklyn Jooette gave me in Kerrville, suggesting at the time that it was something that a Jersey Guy would like. I did — a lot. Perhaps more on that later.

Oh yeah. There is probably one benefit to waiting so long to get around to buying a DVD Player. I’ll bet you couldn’t buy one for $29.95 in 1996.