Yes, sports fans, it has been more than four years since PRS has hosted Celebrity Boxing, so I think it is time for another evening of high-profile slugfests, which, as in the past, feature the matchup and the guaranteed outcome.

The Match
Senator Chris “I’m Grey and OK” Dodd vs. Senator Joe “Plugs” Biden

The Result
In a curious match, where both parties agreed to talk at each other rather than actually fight, Senator Biden wins the decision, largely because he plagiarized the patter of Cassius Clay Muhammad Ali.

The Match
Dick “12 Gauge” Cheney vs. Nancy “Scalpel” Pelosi

The Result
The match is halted by the ring physician when seconds after the sound of the opening bell, Pelosi sneezed and her face split in two.

The Match
Mitt “GQ” Romney vs. John “Cheeks” McCain

The Result
Romney wins by a knockout when, in the second round, he hit McCain in the jaw with a bag of money sending McCain down for the count. After the bout, McCain filed a formal complaint with the Boxing Commissioner claiming that that Romney “bought” the victory. In an ironic twist, the Commissioner ruled that, while Romney violated the rules, he should be granted amnesty as a matter of compassion.

The Match
Barack “Yo Mama” Obama vs. Hillary “She Devil” Clinton

The Result
Midway through the fifth round, Obama falls to the canvas. The referee counts him out. Only after his corner men were unable to revive him, did they discover that he had succumbed to a fatal knife wound in his back. The D.C. Coroner ruled the death a suicide.