I love the planet, and I go out of my way not to shit the place up. Still, when it comes to Algore and his Hollywood version of science, I remain a steadfast Denier. The reasons are legion, but here are a couple, seeing as how it’s Oit Day and all.

Algore says that manmade CO2 is responsible for global warming. As proof of this, his bullshit propaganda film movie shows dramatic images of the ice cap falling away in massive chunks.

For openers, CO2 continues to rise, while temperatures continue to fall. Definitely, an inconvenient truth, that. In addition, it turns out that 90% of the ice on the planet is in Antarctica, and the ice in Antarctica is thickening, rather than falling away in giant chunks. Speaking of the ice cap falling away in giant chunks, the dramatic images in Al’s movie purporting to show that were computer generated images. Yet another inconvenient truth.

I respect the earth, but Algore and his media/Hollywood minions can kiss my ass.

Happy Oit Day.

It was an excellent party, although it is difficult to imagine all the Usual Suspects being in one place at the same time and it not being an excellent party.

Before the party commenced, we were pleased to see that Pastakeith (see comment to the previous post) would be presiding over the nuptial ceremony. Pastakeith is, in real life, Pastor Keith, the son-in-law of two of the Usual Suspects, the “Original Bill” and Sinister Linda. The service was, as usual, enjoyable and meaningful. Keith manages to bring things like Seinfeld episodes into the service and elegantly tie them into the seriousness of the proceedings.

He drove four hours to do the honors and only had time to stay for the cocktail hour (I didn’t check his glass), before he and his bride (Nancy with the Big Smile) had to pack their three boys into the family car for the four-hour trip back home so Keith would be able to perform his regular services at his church on Sunday. He’s a real Mensch.

After much adult beverage consumption, dancing and hell raising, the reception ended, but the party didn’t end. We headed to the nearby hotel where the wedding party and out-of-town guests were staying and where the bride’s parents (Captain Arthur and the “Good Sister”) had set up a hospitality room stocked with (you guessed it) more adult beverages. We hung for just two (honest) and then headed for home. After all, we had to be in shape for the “breakfast” that was to follow in about nine hours.

The breakfast, hosted by Ken, the Bodyguard and the Deckmistress was a veritable feast, which, of course, included among a zillion things, scrambled eggs and Taylor Ham – a genuine Jersey breakfast. Not surprisingly, I was in charge of the bar. The featured drinks of the day were Bloody Marys and Mimosas. We went through Costco Quantities of V-8 (the mixer of choice for excellent Bloody Marys) and orange juice, which should give you some idea of the amount of vodka and champagne that was consumed.

After a while, out came the guitars. The groom (another Kearny Guy and the newest of the Usual Suspects) had spent a half-dozen years playing in saloons in a band based in Athens, Georgia, so pickin’ with him was a rare treat. I must say that I missed the younger half (by a few goddamned days) of the Elderly Brothers, particularly when I played Runaway. The instrumental break just wasn’t the same.

The “breakfast” broke up somewhere around 8 PM.

It was a great party.

Yes, peeps. Today marks the day that the offspring (in this case, a daughter) of two of the Usual Suspects (Captain Arthur and the “Good Sister”) is getting married. This, of course, means that all the Usual Suspects will all be at one place at the same time. Perhaps we should hire security.

In any event, it promises to be quite the shindig, fueled by an adult beverage or two.

But, wait! There’s more!

The day after the most recent marriage of a Usual Suspects’ offspring (in that case a son), the aunt and uncle of the groom (the “Good Sister” and Captain Arthur) hosted a “breakfast” in honor of the lucky couple. I put the word “breakfast” in quotes, because that it was it was supposed to be. The plan was that we would all gather for a nice breakfast spread and maybe even enjoy a Bloody Mary or a Mimosa and then go home to take it easy. However, in true Usual Suspects fashion, the “breakfast” lasted damned near twelve hours, with a couple gallons of vodka and damned near a case of champagne having been consumed.

So, not surprisingly, after raising hell tonight, we will all gather tomorrow at the home of Ken, my bodyguard, and the Deckmistress (the uncle and aunt of the bride) for yet another “breakfast.” This one may even involve some guitar pickin’. (The groom plays.)

You may not hear from me for a few days.

It’s certainly no secret that I have been having a hard time posting images using WordPress, version 2.5, which difficulty has spawned a thought or two about the issue.

First, let me say that everything I don’t know about information technology would overflow the Grand Canyon. Let me also say that I am amazed at the peeps who are deep into geekery, to the point of producing things like WordPress or similar computer stuff. To me, it borders on magic.

Having said that, I often wonder about the width of intellectual/technical divide between the Å°bergeeks of the World and the rest of us. This massive divide (at least from my perspective) has existed for many years, but it has become obvious only in the last two decades or so. Consider that during the sixties it was the Å°bergeeks who figured out much of the stuff that sent us into outer space and ultimately to the moon. We non-geeks just shook our heads in amazement. It was stupendous stuff, but it was beyond our everyday experience.

Then, along came the personal computer. Once the Űbergeeks made using a computer something that the average schmo might be able to do, the Űbergeeks’ numbers increased dramatically, but not nearly as much as the number of peeps buying computers and hoping to actually be able to use them.

Given that this is not intended to be a history of home computing, suffice it to say that there are a gazillion Å°bergeeks out there, but ten times as many non-geeks flailing away at keyboards, doing everything from playing solitaire to, yes, blogging, which brings me full circle to my problems with WordPress 2.5.

As I understand it (and I could be cosmically wrong), the collective that creates things like WordPress is a loosely associated (if formally associated at all) group of Å°bergeeks who produce truly amazing computer stuff, perhaps just for the hell of it.

I have been told that before these cyber- mavins unleash a new version of software on the non-geeks, they put it “out there” for Beta testing, Beta testing, being the vehicle used to uncover where the software’s problems may lie – sort of like a ship’s shakedown cruise.

I cannot help but wonder if, perhaps because of the great divide between Űbergeeks and the rest of us, the Űbergeeks choose as Beta testers other Űbergeeks, and after the Beta testing is done, they sit around, drink Mountain Dew and speak Geekish to one another about the complex stuff “under the hood,” as it were. You know what I mean: the kinds of esoteric things that one reads on computer forums, which are utterly unintelligible to anyone but the Űbergeeks. This is no doubt an important part of the software development process, but, it must be remembered that in the case of the WordPress (and similar software), the Űbergeeks are developing software for Joe Blow’s use.

Now, specifically with respect to blogging software, it is more than fair to assume that Joe Blow is a lesson or three beyond the “Intro to Your New Computer” or “Learning to Click and Drag” courses offered at places like adult schools.

My question, rhetorical though it may be, is, “Are the Joe Blows of the World included among the Beta testers of blogging software in general and WordPress 2.5 in particular?” Sadly, I suspect not, because if they were, there is no way that WordPress 2.5 would have been released.

I know, I know. You’re thinking, Yo, Jimbo. You’re a techno-doofus; you’ve said so yourself many times. Maybe you just haven’t figured out how to use the farookin’ software. Jeez!” Maybe so, but I’m probably technically more representative of the average blogger than not, and including the techno-doofuses (i.e. Joe Blows of the World) as Beta testers might have suggested to the developers either that WordPress version 2.5 wasn’t working right, or that it was working fine, but that some instructions (gasp!) might be a good idea. Instructions? Who knew?

I appreciate that using the Joe Blows of the world as Beta testers will be tedious for the Űbergeeks, as they would have to endure listening to non-geeks using English to try to explain to Űbergeeks problems that would best be described in Geekish. Still, Joe Blow Beta testers might well prevent a truckload of computers from being assaulted by users who just can’t seem to figure shit out.

In closing, I am hereby volunteering to step to the plate and serve as a Joe Blow Beta tester for the next WordPress version, assuming, of course, that the WordPress Å°bergeeks give two fiddlers’ shits about what we Joe Blows think.

EMPTY SPACE

The empty space above was supposed to contain an image, about which I had planned to say a word or two.

Maybe it’s me.

I’m off to spend the remainder of the evening with Mr. Recliner. I’ll think about this tomorrow.

My friend and most esteemed blogger, Elisson, has entrusted me and several other reprobates bloggers with a set of keys to his blog while he and his most excellent daughter leave their indelible marks on the nation of Japan. I left tonight’s handiwork over at his place.

In an effort to profit from the increasing public interest in the 2008 presidential elections, some of the major automobile manufacturers have launched interesting new models. PRS’s automotive correspondents checked out the varied offerings and have filed the following reports:

THE OBAMA
Long and streamlined in appearance, the Obama marks a departure from the body styles that younger people have sometimes described as being too boxy. It is available in a cafe au lait tan or in two-tone black and white. Either color scheme harmonizes very well with the Kremlin-red interior.

We were impressed with the smooth sound of the engine and the car’s ability to accelerate quickly, but once we got under the hood, it was obvious that the Obama’s power train is barely more than a prototype. With anything resembling sustained running, the engine was prone to backfiring and stalling.

Perhaps the most curious aspect of the Obama’s performance is that it appears to run better on the left side of the road, and it only makes left turns. We predict that this will pose a significant marketing challenge in the United States.

THE MCCAIN
In a bold move, the designers of the McCain decided go retro. It is fair to say that the McCain looks more like a 1968 Chevrolet Impala than anything Detroit or Japan has produced in decades. It is available only in Navy Blue with an imported lettuce-green interior.

Those fans of sixties muscle vehicles who were hoping to see a car with a hard-charging, high-powered V8 engine will be disappointed to learn that the McCain is powered by a six-cylinder engine that is built for durability rather than power or speed.

The McCain handles best when driven close to the center of the roadway and has a troublesome tendency to veer to the left far too often; and it steers to the right only with great difficulty.

THE HILLARY
In contrast to the sleek appearance of the Obama and the somewhat daring, retro look of the McCain, the Hillary is unimpressive in appearance. We didn’t think it was possible for an automobile to appear quite so stale, uninteresting and downright frumpy looking. Its oversized balloon tires contribute significantly to its distinctive lack of curb appeal. Notably, the availability of various pastel exteriors and interiors cannot overcome the car’s basic design flaws.

Aside from its appearance, particularly annoying is the screeching sound made by the engine at higher RPMs. Perhaps the vehicle’s most disturbing shortcoming is that the dashboard gauges never provide accurate readings, leaving the driver with no way of knowing what is going on with the car’s engine at any given moment.

When questioned about some of the perceived problems with the Hillary, its chief designer became somewhat testy. He wagged his finger and stated, “Listen to me. You can say anything you like about the Hillary, but understand one thing. This bitch is damned near indestructible, and she’s built to be unstoppable.”

Update: In the comments to this post, Maggie45 calls our attention to a real Hillary Car, which is cruising around in Pennsylvania at the moment, presumably visiting towns populated by the bitter folks.

I just wrote out my income tax check payable to the order of the U.S. Treasury. I would like to take this opportunity to say:

To all of you who pay no tax and get lots of free stuff from the government; and

To all of you are here illegally and get lots of free stuff from the government; and

To all of you who get paid “under the table” and pay a fraction of the taxes you should be paying according to law (as screwed up as that is); and

To all of you who bought houses you should have damned well known you couldn’t afford; and

To all of you who are getting “stimulus” checks from the U.S. Treasury; and

To all of you who are getting New Jersey property tax rebate checks; and

To all of you who have been on the receiving end of congressional PORK; and

To all those shithead politicians who earned your votes by giving you truckloads of congressional PORK; and

To that insufferable prick Matthew Lesko; and

To all of you who bought that insufferable prick’s books,

YOU’RE WELCOME.

And, to all of you who counted on my voluntary donations, as you have in past years, I apologize that they may be somewhat smaller this year, because the government knows best where my money should go.

Mary Madigan of Exit Zero describes the goings-on at a conference sponsored by New York University, entitled, “Academic Freedom in the Age of Permanent Warfare.” The title of the conference is just a teensy bit suggestive of its content and caused me to wonder just who the enemies of academic freedom might be.

Mary reports that the keynote speaker answered that question when he identified the enemies of academic freedom to “include the ‘rabid right’ and/or ‘Republicans, conservatives, the elderly, and the uneducated.’”

Sounds like a real fun guy.

Read the whole thing, all the way to the end. The final sentence is priceless.

1. Yesterday’s Accident Number 1: I cut my right thumb and index finger opening a bottle of vodka. It was a fancy-schmancy bottle with which I was gifted. (psssst…French). I bled like a farookin’ pig, which, or course, required a couple band-aids and an extra vodka.

2. Yesterday’s Accident Number 2: I smacked my head into the garage door while it was in the process of opening. Usually I open the garage door by pushing the button on the widget in the house and walking out to the garage. This time I forgot to push the in-house widget button, but instead used the keypad near the garage door itself to open the door. Obviously, my internal clock was still thinking in-house widget. And, you wonder why I will never, ever operate a chainsaw? No injuries beyond an “Ouch, Goddammit!” but it did mess up my hair. Believe it or not, Accident Number 1 had nothing to do with Accident Number 2. Really.

3. American Stupid: I saw enough of American Stupid Idol the other night to see the white guy who needs a shave get booted off the island after all the silly emotion-building “right after this break” bullshit. The audience was absolutely crestfallen. We’re farookin’ doomed.

4. Read this shit and tell me why we shouldn’t kick the U.N. out of this country. (h/t Wiseass Jooette)

5. Would you rather drink a gallon of gorilla piss or fly across the country? Close call. More later.

6. I saw an advertisement for an upcoming “reality” show (History Channel? Discovery Channel? Can’t remember), which apparently follows exterminators around while they kill zillions of roaches, rats and other nasty shit. Yo, Peeps! TURN. OFF. THE. TUBE. READ. A. GODDAMNED. BOOK.

7. Some of you Peeps have way too much moving-around shite in your sidebars, causing your page to take too goddamned long to load. That’s my non-geekazoid opinion, anyway.

8. I gather that the “March Madness” thing is over, and I totally missed it. I figure it’s like totally missing the flu.

9. Looks like I’m crapping out before I hit number 10. It’s been a rough week.