I am still afflicted with vacation lag and have yet to regain my blogging groove. Maybe it’s because I have managed to avoid listening to, watching or reading much of any news. While in Florida, I did hear a news blurb about Ted Kennedy’s illness. I’m feeling compassionate today (probably the lingering effects copious amounts of chocolate vodka over the previous week), so since I have nothing nice to say about Senator Kennedy, I shall say nothing.

I also heard that Hillary gorilla stomped Barack _______ Obama’s ass in Kentucky but that Barack _______ Obama won rather handily in Oregon. No surprises in either case. Hillary is staying in. Sweet. I’d love to hear what each has to say about the other in private.

Oh, and lest you think I worry needlessly about alligators, during the week I was in Florida, some sorry ass damned near lost his arm to one of those pre-historic monsters. I believe that people who live near fresh water in Florida are a bit nutso. Case in point. A perfectly normal looking and sounding woman bartender told me, “Oh yeah, we have one [a farookin’ gator] that lives in the lagoon behind my house. We just crack open the door to check the yard before we go outside. It’s not a problem.” Nutso.

The same bartender told me that, in her neighborhood, wild boars (those ugly bastards with the tusks) are a problem. Wild boars? Nutso.

Oh, and there was a headline in the local paper (I read it in one of those news boxes while doing a ground pound) that said that coyotes are gobbling up people’s dogs (presumably small dogs) in Southwest Florida. Nutso.

So, in Florida the peeps deal with alligators, wild boars and dog-eating coyotes. Nutso, nutso, nutso, I tell ya.

Yo, Jimbo. The title of this post is “Corporal Wood Sealer,” and you’ve written about goofy shit that has nothing to do with corporals or wood sealer. WTF?”

OK, here’s what I intended to say about three-hundred and twenty five words ago.

I had no idea that the joy and Macht I experienced as Captain Power Wash would be followed by the frankly pedestrian task of smearing wood sealer on the deck. No one can ever be “Captain Wood Sealer.” It’s just not possible, given the nature of the task. Hell, it’s not even like painting, because with painting, when you are all done, the thing you painted looks different than it did before you painted it. With wood sealer, you can’t appreciate the fruits of your labor until the next rain, and only then can you marvel at the beads of water on the wood. “Look Myrtle! Check out them beads! Get the camera!”

I have nothing else to say at the moment.