Dear Congressman Frank:

I will be perfectly frank (no pun intended – well, maybe).

In my opinion, you are thoroughly detestable.

You have the Moxie to say with a straight face that the Fannie Mae mess was entirely the result of George Bush’s “failed policies,” when you were one of the most vocal opponents of increased regulatory control of this social engineering experiment gone bad? (Oh, and let me add that you almost swallow your tongue when you say “policies.” It’s seriously disgusting.).

Furthermore, you took such a position all the while knowing that you had no business voting on legislation affecting Fannie Mae, because of a conflict of interest that arose from your boyfriend’s holding a responsible position at Fannie Mae. For that, at a minimum, you should be removed from the House Financial Services Committee. If I had my way, you would be booted out of the House of Representatives and, better yet, you would do some time in the Graybar Hotel.

Finally, may I say that I hate looking at you? You are as homely as a bag of assholes and not having goddamned teeth only makes things worse. Chrissake, I have to believe you make enough money to spring for some goddamned teeth. You can always take them out, in private, if you catch my drift.

Very truly yours,

Jimbo

P.S. I seem to have neglected mentioning that I think you are an asshole. Sorry for the omission.

P.P.S. Having re-read this, it occurs to me that if you lose your congressional seat, you’re a natural to serve as Governor of New Jersey. You’d win in a landslide.