Yes, my sample ballot arrived in the mail today. I looked it over and planned most of my voting strategy (I shall read the public questions more closely tomorrow). As promised and as advocated, I will vote against any incumbent, which, in my district, means that I will vote for Republicans. I will take particular joy (albeit fleeting and sadly futile) in voting against that cadaverous shithook Senator Frank Lautenberg, who belongs in a nursing home smelling of piss and bitching about the temperature of his farina.

There is, however, one problem, and that is that I cannot vote against my Waste-of-Air Congressman, because he is again running unopposed. His constituency largely depends on his continued service for their daily bread, and his constituency is big thanks to the Gerrymandering that was engineered by the rat bastards of BOTH PARTIES in this asshole state with the goal of making congressional seats safe.

Of course, I will be voting for McCain/Palin, which in New Jersey is about the equivalent of pissing directly into a gale force wind, but I will be secure in the knowledge that I canceled out Bruce Springsteen’s vote.

My cruller is too fried and my patience is too lean to do anything other than to use this space as a scratch pad for the skeeters that are buzzing around in my head at the moment. Because Comcast is jerking me around at the moment (see below), you should know that I am typing this on October 28, 2008 at approximately 9:10 p.m. It may get posted sometime around Thanksgiving.

1. Memo to the Democrats in Massachusetts’ Fourth Congressional District: Barney Goddamned Frank? What in the Christ is wrong with you people? Your voting history tells me that you feel genetically hard-wired to vote for Democrats, so I won’t suggest that you consider a *gasp* Republican. But, Jesus H. Christ! Barney Frank? How could anyone who has not suffered some sort of brain injury even consider voting for this disgusting, loudmouthed pig? There has got to be a Democrat in your state that is less of an asshole than this waste of skin. Jeez!

2. Farookin’ Comcast: At this very moment, I tried to fire up the web to check on a news story and came up blank. I glanced over at my modem, and ALL THE LIGHTS are blinking simultaneously, which tells me that something is screwed up either with Comcast or with my modem. I am typing this during the simultaneous light blinking in the hopes that the modem lights will soon return to normal and that I will be able to post this. Damn, I hate Comcast; I hate computers, and I hate Barney Frank (see above).

3. Modem lights still blinking simultaneously. Shit!

4. We’re Nazis? Holy crap! In 2001, Barack ______ Obama suggested that the United States had Nazi tendencies.

…there’s a lot of change going on outside of the Court, um, that, that judges essentially have to take judicial notice of. I mean you’ve got World War II, you’ve got uh, uh, uh, the doctrines of Nazism, that, that we are fighting against, that start looking uncomfortably similar to what we have going on, back here at home.

Sure. I remember 2001 and the networks of concentration camps, and the systematic extermination of Jews right here in the U.S. of A. What a swell idea it is to elect a guy as the President who thought this way about the United States just seven years ago and probably still does. Staggers the imagination, it does.

5. Farookin’ lights are still going blink, blink, blink all at the same time. Did I mention how much I hate Comcast, modems and computers in general? Don’t even get me started on Microsoft and why all of a sudden my Microsoft Picture Manager ceased working and apparently cannot be fixed by mortals.

6. So, you want to be a millionaire? If Obama wins, what’s the point? May as well just let some other chump break his ass to make a million and wait for the government to give you some of his.

7. Thank God and all that is holy for chocolate vodka and peanut butter.

8. I don’t know about you, but I would pay a considerable amount of money to be able to hit Al Sharpton with a sock full of shit, even though it would be a waste of perfectly good shit.

9. Pressed the reset button on the modem. Still Blink City. Comcast can kiss my ample ass.

10. Don’t ya love it when you’re standing OUTSIDE next to a sign that says “Designated Smoking Area” and some snotty shithead (almost always a woman) walks past you and waves her hand back and forth in front of her nose? Hand me that sock full of shit, please.

11, Going to try the “unplug the modem” thing. Bear with me. OK, it’s unplugged. Let’s see what happens now.

12. Replugging ……. Ha! Now only two lights are on and neither is blinking. I need all the lights on and the first and third blinking. Comcast can eat my dirty shorts.

13, Screw this computer thing. I’m gonna watch television.

14. Doooo doooo doooo doooo doooo doooo doooo (conveying the passage of three and a half hours of sleeping in Mr. Recliner)

15. Houston, we have normal modem blinkage. Obviously Comcast was just screwing with my brain. Do I post this crap? Damned straight. Sucks to be you.