I’m accustomed to returning from vacation to a pile of work pouring over the transom. But, returning home to news that North Korea is detonating nukes, the Government is poised to take over General Motors and The One is nominating a person to serve on the Supreme Court whose overriding qualifications seem to be that she is a Hispanic woman who is chock full of empathy is just too much to handle.

I therefore will address a problem that is more manageable in scope, even though I have no solution. More specifically, I cannot figure out why one or more boids have taken to shitting on my very nice Weber grill cover that protects my very nice Weber grill. Yesterday I hosed off two particularly nasty boid toids, only to find another one today.

I know you’re thinking, “Yo, Jimbo. Is your grill under a tree that may be fancied as a resting (and shitting) place for one or more boids?” The answer is that my grill is not under any trees. It is not under anything other than open sky.

So now you’re thinking, “Yo, Jimbo. Maybe the boids are landing on top of your grill to lounge around and take a shit.” Wrong. If that were true, the boid toids would be on top of the grill. The offending toids always appear down the front of the grill.

All the evidence strongly suggests a full-out aerial assault. Boid Toid Bombardment, if you will.

I’m pissed, and I am also puzzled, because I don’t know what to do about it.

Still, I can take some comfort in knowing that boid toids on my grill cover are easier to deal with than Korean nukes, creeping galloping socialism and a Supreme Court Justice who will make shit up as she goes along.