Yesterday we received our “free” squiggly light bulb. It was left on the door to the House by the Parkway in a box hanging from the door handle by way of a clever cardboard hanging thing, which contained the following message:

WE MISSED YOU! But don’t miss out on the savings! Install this bulb and save up to $30 in electricity costs over the lifetime of the bulb. Don’t get left in the dark – simple actions matter!

The delivery of my “free” light bulb was part of “Project Porchlight,” which is sponsored (i.e. paid for) by New Jersey’s Clean Energy Program and the New Jersey Board of Public Utilities.

Let me say this about that.

Dear “Free” Light Bulb People:

I don’t want the damned thing. I hate these squiggly light bulbs and the ridiculous propaganda that comes with them. I don’t intend to use my “free” squiggly light bulb or any other squiggly light bulbs until there are no incandescent light bulbs available in the stores or on the black market (which will certainly spring up).

I’d throw the damned thing away, but noooooooo, because the damned thing has mercury in it, thankyouverymuch. I suppose I could burn up some gasoline driving my “free” light bulb to a recycling center. Better yet, how about you burn up some gasoline and drop by to pick the damned thing up. Please let me know when you’ll be in the neighborhood, and I’ll leave the damned thing hanging on my front door where you left it.

Sincerely,
Jimbo
The House by the Parkway