I watch just about zero network television. There is, however, one exception. I often watch Jeopardy. I usually do pretty well, unless the categories include Geography (Damned if I know any rivers in Bulgaria) or the Bible (Mathew, Mark and Jack?). It provides a bit of dinner time brain exercise.

BUT!

The one part of the program that makes my hair hurt is when Alex chats with the contestants. That is some seriously cringeworthy stuff. The following examples are typical:

Alex: Contestant No. 1, Mary Gibbelruth, our grammar school teacher from Denver, Colorado, it says here that you had a frightening experience traveling to Los Angeles to appear on Jeopardy. Tell us about it.

Mary Gibbelruth:Well Alex, my husband and I were in the Denver Airport and we were seated by the gate waiting for the flight, and it was difficult to hear what the airline person at the desk was saying into the microphone.

Alex: Wow, that’s quite something. Did you miss your flight?

Contestant No. 1: No, but it was really weird … are really scary.

Alex: Wow, I’ll say. Now we have Contestant No. 2, Edgar Schmidtbutt, a parking valet from Miami, Florida. Edgar, I understand you have an interesting hobby.

Contestant No. 2: Yes, Alex. I collect coins.

Alex: Ah, a numismatist. Fascinating. How many coins are in your collection?

Contestant No. 2: Three.

Alex: You only have three coins in your collection?

Contestant No. 2: I just started.

Alex: Very interesting. Finally, we have Contestant No. 3, Marilyn Peckwith, a librarian from Little Rock, Arkansas and our current Jeopardy Champion. It says here that you had a bizarre experience on your honeymoon. What happened?

Contestant No. 3: Well, Alex, my husband and I were staying at this really fancy hotel in Bermuda, and we went to the dining room for breakfast. I ordered scrambled eggs and he ordered pancakes. When the waitress brought our breakfast, she gave me the pancakes and him the scrambled eggs. We looked at each other not sure what to do, and I decided to tell the waitress that she gave me his breakfast and gave him my breakfast. The waitress said, “I guess I have to do the switcheroo” and she switched our plates around so that I got my scrambled eggs, and he got his pancakes. It was pretty wild.

Alex: Bizarre, indeed.

It’s farookin’ painful. Can I get an amen?

A recent poll showed that 89.3 percent of those polled believed that the “media played a very or somewhat strong role in helping to elect President Obama….”

What the poll really showed was that 10.7% of those polled are either deaf and blind or have shit between their ears.