Following his ethanol-powered speech on the Senate floor about “Healthcare,” Senator Max Baucus, the Distinguished Shitfaced Gentleman from Montana, received numerous phone messages. PRS Operatives have again employed their proprietary technical skills to obtain access to the senator’s answering machine. Here is a sample of what they heard:

BEEEEEEP
Max, Barney Fwank here. Man, that speech sent a tingle down my leg. You weally spoke truth to power. I’d like to invite you over to my place for drinks and whatever. I’ll whip up a gallon or so of cosmos and break out some awesome oils and a new box of poppers. I promise, it will be awesome. Give me a call.

BEEEEEEP
Hi, I saw your speech. My name is Bill, from the local A.A. group. Dude, I think you need to come to a meeting. Call me.

BEEEEEEP
Max, it’s Keith Olbermann. That was a fabulous speech. I’d like to buy a case of whatever it was you drank. It would really jazz up my already-excellent special commentaries. Phone or email will be fine. Good night and good luck.

BEEEEEEP
Mr. Baucus, this is Jack, the bartender. Man, you weren’t kidding when you said after your tenth drink that you were going into the Senate chamber and kick some ass. That was awesome. I have your regular seat saved. Oh, and thanks for the fifty.

BEEEEEEP
Senator, it’s Gino the dry cleaner speaking. I’m sorry, but I can’t get the puke stains off your suits any more. You’re either going to have to get new suits or a new dry cleaner. You can pick up your soiled suits during regular business hours. I have six of them.