I’m back on the case. I had traveled to the future House By The Parkway as part of the Advance Team to do things like open bank accounts and buy MAJOR appliances. I did manage go find a glomable wireless signal, but I was too tired and worn out from being in MAJOR appliance departments of various stores to write anything.

Speaking of MAJOR appliances, when was the last time you had to buy those things? Holy cannoli, the price of the MAJOR appliances we bought (the fancy schmancy stuff, naturally) rivals the gross national product of many small countries.

I learned much. For example, consider that “counter depth” refrigerators, by definition, are smaller than “bigger-than-counter-depth” refrigerators. Logic would seem to dictate that “smaller” would be cheaper than “larger”. Wrong! The world of MAJOR appliances is nuanced.

I also learned that today’s fancy schmancy clothes dryers do more than simply dry wet clothes. They allow you to have steam blown into your already-dry clothes. WTF? I wonder how I ever managed to get to be this age without knowing the joy and critical importance of occasionally having steam blown into my farookin’ clothes?

Well, now I’m back at the current House By the Parkway with my old refrigerator, the freezer portion of which currently contains:

A bottle of Iceberg Vodka

A bottle of Three Olives Chocolate Vodka

A bottle of Three Olives Triple Shot Espresso Vodka

A bottle of Three Olives Orange Vodka (great with seltzer and lemon)

A bottle of Schmirnoff Orange Vodka (in case I run out of Three Olives Orange)

A bottle of Firefly Sweet Tea Vodka

A bottle of Firefly Sweet Tea Peach Vodka

A bottle of Firefly Sweet Tea Raspberry Vodka

A bottle of Firefly Sweet Tea Mint Vodka

I think I saw a box of frozen string beans in there somewhere.

I love my freezer.