As I’ve noted before, I don’t get “haircuts,” but rather I get my hair “done” every five weeks, not at a barber shop, but at a salon. I am of the view that doing anything less with this great farookin’ hair would be a felony.

My pal Elisson seems to take a different view and, as such, sent me this e-card. (Note: It contains a bit of grownup language).

Cracked me up, it did.

It started when I noticed an “ouchie” when I chewed on the left side of my mouth. I thought, “Well, maybe I had been clenching my teeth, and that’s what’s causing this,” which seemed plausible, because I have been watching the news. I popped some Motrin and it seemed to work, until the next morning when the pain returned and I noticed that my face was looking a tad lopsided.

I called the dentist and, this not being England (yet), I got a same-day appointment. An x-ray revealed Mr. Abscess. I’m now taking antibiotics, and I’m scheduled for Mr. Root Canal on Thursday. Having endured a few root canals in the past, I am not looking forward to the experience.

Still, as bad as a two-hour root canal procedure is, I would rather sit through one than be forced to watch this unhinged bag of shit even for five minutes.

One of the best things that has come from blogging is getting to know and actually meeting very excellent peeps.

Mr. Bingley, of The Coalition of the Swilling, invited us to his home for dinner last night. Also in attendance were Jersey Bloggers Fausta of Fausta’s Blog, Gregor of Sad Old Goth and Suzette of Cripes Suzette, all of whom I had previously met at Jersey Blogmeets, some in 2005 and some in 2007 (both in the cases of Suzette and Gregor). This marked my first opportunity to meet some of bloggers’ spouses, who by definition are very tolerant peeps for putting up with being married to bloggers, who oftentimes seem to be married to the computer.

If you’ve followed Bingley’s Blog (as well you should), you know that he is more than comfortable in the kitchen and in the wine and spirits store as well. As a result, we were treated to an excellent dinner and plenty of terrific adult beverages. As usual, whenever bloggers assemble, a hilarious blabfest ensues, and this was no exception.

I’d like to thank the Bingleys for an excellent evening.

My friend Denny (the younger half of the Elderly Brothers) a/k/a “The Grouchy Old Cripple” suffered a potentially serious injury in a skiing accident, which will keep him away from the keyboard for a bit.

Please head here to send this remarkable man and great friend some good wishes.

Steamed Carrots: Cough!

Robert Gibbs: What did you say?

Steamed Carrots: I didn’t say anything.

Robert Gibbs: Yes you did!

Steamed Carrots: No I didn’t!

Robert Gibbs: Holy Crap! A talking side order of steamed carrots!

Steamed Carrots: No I’m not.

Robert Gibbs: Don’t hand me that baloney. You look like carrots. You smell like carrots, and dammit, you taste like carrots.

Steamed Carrots: Yeah, so?

Robert Gibbs: And you’re talking!

Steamed Carrots: Yeah, so?

Robert Gibbs: I, therefore, conclude that you are a talking side order of steamed carrots.

Steamed Carrots: Very good. This was the first part of a two-part test.

Robert Gibbs: Really? How did I do?

Steamed Carrots: You did fine.

Robert Gibbs: What’s the second part?

Steamed Carrots: Here is the second part. Was your boss lying when he said multiple times that the negotiations for the health care bill would be broadcast on C-Span?

Robert Gibbs: He never really said that.

Steamed Carrots: Test over.

Robert Gibbs: How did I do?

Steamed Carrots: You gotta be shittin’ me.

So how’s the retirement thing goin’ so far?

More than a few people have asked me that in recent weeks. I thought I’d give you a peek at my day today.

Had to skip breakfast (bad – I now regularly eat breakfast), because I had an early appointment for a haircut a/k/a my “hair appointment” with my expert hair cutter who thinks I have great farookin’ hair. A hair appointment necessarily trumps breakfast.

After my hair appointment, I swung by the store to pick up my new groundpounding shoes (ASICS), which had to be specially ordered, because of my Donald Duck EEEE feet. Store wasn’t opened yet.

Drove to the nail place for a manicure (Yes Virginia, real men get their nails done), but they weren’t open yet either.

Drove to the car wash to have my car washed (the full treatment, even including the shiny stuff on the tires). BTW, I no longer drive the Big Fat Black Capitalist Car. I now drive a sleek black Acura TL with all the doo-dads (“Blackura”), which is like driving a fighter plane. I love it.

Back to the nail place for the manicure. I listened to the Korean manicurists talk among themselves in Korean. I’m certain they were talking about my great farookin’ hair.

Left the nail place and went to the store to pick up the new groundpounding shoes. They fit nicely. Quack quack

Home to meet Mrs. Parkway for a trip to the Supermarket. Shopping during the week is just one of great things about being retired, because the store isn’t crowded. I figure I’m doing a good deed by shopping during the week, thereby making more room on the weekends for people who have to shop on Saturday or Sunday. Thank me.

Home: Lunch (Buffalo chicken tenders, cole slaw, Coke Zero)

Put away the boxes of Keurig K-Cups that were delivered today. BTW, the Keurig coffee maker may well be the most important appliance in the house, with possible exception of the dishwasher.

Did a couple loads of laundry. I am, as you know, a Laundry Guy.

Read some blogs.

Had to get on the phone with Comcast, because one of the televisions that has been cursed with the digital converter thing was not working properly. Of course, after ten minutes of back and forth trying to solve things over the phone, we will end up with a technician visit. Swell. (I had to talk to the Comcast person. Apparently there is a rule somewhere that women cannot speak with the Comcast person).

Things I definitely still will do today:

Eat dinner
More laundry

Things I might still do today:

Read more blogs
Finish the book I’ve been reading

A thing I intended to do today, but will likely put off until tomorrow (I blame my rough schedule and the Comcast problem): Re-string one of the guitars.

So, there you have it. As you can see, this retirement stuff isn’t as easy as you might think.

For quite some time, our friend, Mostly Cajun who, not surprisingly lives in Louisiana, has shared with us from the local newspaper the names that some people have burdened their children with given their new babies.

This year, he asked his readers to vote on the 2009 Name of the Year. I don’t want to spoil it for you, so I won’t tell you the winning name. However, to give you a flavor of what you’re in for, I will tell you that Second Place went to little SeMyri De’Shae-Shondre. I was also quite taken with Malachi Evereonne Jesus.

Go HERE to see the winner and the other amazing entries. I imagine that some of these kids, after having to grow up with these handles, will want to kick their parents in the ass.

No big deal, unless the three guys are Chet Atkins, Leo Kottke and Doc Watson. The setting appears to be a vacant conference room at a hotel.

Note: at the beginning, Chet tunes up on the fly while the others are playing.

Damn!

Found at and shamelessly swiped from Sippican Cottage.

Too busy blowing my nose to blog.

That is all.

Title correction prompted by the Wiseass Jooette.

My buddy Brian, the Air Force Vet, sent me this link. Check it out and follow the instructions. Note, there will NOT be some horrible shrieking image popping up at the end. I hate those things.

Some of the other items on the site that caught my attention were:

Embarrassing a jerk on cell phone Sweeeet!

An animal optical illusion. Amazing.

Magnetic cube. I may buy one of these.

Flying an SR-71 Blackbird Model Very cool.

Take a look at the main page of the site for other good stuff.