Behold Todd Taylor setting the Guinness World Record for fastest banjo pickin’. Pretty farookin’ amazing.

OK, so what about some fast guitar pickin’?

Check out Dax’s place where he posted a video of Tiago Della Vega claiming the Guinness World Record for the fastest guitar pickin’. Although comparing Taylor’s banjo picking with Della Vega’s guitar picking is really an apples and oranges thing, it is nonetheless interesting to note that, in terms of sheer speed, Della Vega picks up where Taylor left off.

Yowza!

1. During this morning’s groundpound, I noticed that a woman was backing her car out of her driveway. In the past, having almost been hit by a person backing a car out of a driveway, I stopped to wait for her to finish backing out. She stopped the car, but never looked at me. Seeing as how her backup lights were still on and she was still looking straight ahead, I continued to wait, rather than step behind the ton of potentially moving steel.

After about ten seconds, she turned in my direction and waved her hand out the window while saying, “Ga Head.” I understood her perfectly.

2. It occurs to me that, when in Jersey Mode, I pronounce the contraction “we’re” as “wur.”

3. Similarly, when in Jersey Mode, I pronounce “I’m” as “ahm.”

I figure everyone else toowaks wrong.

Note: Contains some grownup language.

Thanks to da Chef of da Future

Yesterday, in anticipation of the snow storm that was predicted for today (the weather peeps were right about that) and for tomorrow (looks like they might be right about that too), I made a trip to lay in some essential supplies. No, I did not go to the supermarket for bread, milk and eggs (had ‘em already). Instead, following the lead of my pal, Mr. Bingley, I went to the Mondo Liquor and Wine Emporium where I picked up some items that are essential to waiting out the storm:

A bit more than a case of wine (a mix of cabernets, merlots and some pino grigio)

A bottle of Bulleit Bourbon (a most excellent libation)

A bottle of Old Forester Bourbon (never tried this one before)

A bottle of Firefly Peach Sweet Tea Vodka

A bottle of Firefly Mint Sweet Tea Vodka; and

A bottle of Red Stag*** (cherry-infused bourbon)

I love to shop at the Mondo Liquor and Wine Emporium.

I’m ready for the farookin’ storm, for shit sure.

*** Props to Leslie for suggesting that I try Red Stag. I tried it the minute I returned from the Mondo Liquor and Wine Emporium, and my conclusion is that it is dangerously delicious.

Hey, you’re Al Gore, aren’t you?

Why, yes I am.

So, you believe that carbon dioxide is a pollutant?

Absolutely. No doubt about it. There is a scientific consensus on that point, you know.

Dude, I need carbon dioxide to stay alive!

Ha! Obviously, you’re a denier and a right-wing nutcase.

Obviously, you’re a moron.

Wait. You don’t understand. When people do things that create carbon dioxide …

You mean, like, exhale?

You really are a Flat-Earther. Listen to me. When people do things that create carbon dioxide, they can buy carbon credits from one of my companies. I then keep most of the money and use a bit of it to hire undocumented workers to plant more trees.

Yeah, but all those new trees need carbon dioxide in order to stay alive.

Not a problem. I have an unlimited supply of carbon credits.

OK, I get it now.

Good.

You’re a moron and a con artist.

Is your Che Guerva tee shirt showing signs of wear, perhaps with multiple burn holes from dropped doobies, or has it become really gnarly from being in the state of unwashed for months at a time? Maybe it’s time to replace it with apparel bearing the image of another great thinker of the Sixties. If so, Jane’s store is the place for you. And, it’s not just tee shirts. You can also purchase tote bags, mugs and a particularly fetching clutch. Each item adorned with the image of Jane herownself striking a defiant pose.

I would note that nothing bearing this image is for sale. These aren’t for sale either.

Coming to you (while a signal remains available) from the future permanent House by the Parkway (South), which means that I am typing directly on the laptop (at home I use a docking station and a real grown-up keyboard). I can handle typing on the laptop (even though I hate it), but I cannot get comfortable using the cursed farookin’ pressure pad and clicky things on the laptop. I cannot tell you how many things I have opened and occasionally deleted, or drastically changed because of the rotten pressure pad and clicky things on the laptop. All you have to do is look at the clicky things and they CLICK, thereby creating all sorts of havoc. I spent about 45 minutes fixing the mess caused by accidental clicks on my email app.

Memo to Self: Buy a goddamned mouse to use while away from the docking station.

That is necessarily all, lest I fling the computer out the window.

Being the goddamned prince that I am, I thought I would share with youse guys the heretofore secrets of dealing with those snotty looks (or worse) that often follow a bit of healthy bowel windage.

1. “Damned floorboards squeak. We should call the floor guy and have him fix that.”

2. “I wonder if there are squirrels in the house. We should call an exterminator and check that shit out.”

3. “Must be that annoying kid down the block running his motorized scooter down the street. Damned thing is a motor vehicle, and he’s too young to have a license. We should call the cops.”

4. “The guy next door must have his 400-watt powered woofers in his car cranked up to 10.”

5. “Did someone just open a door? Damned hinges need some WD-40.”

6. “Geese! They fly south at this time.”

7. “That wasn’t a fart. It was my stomach gurgling. I’ll concede to it being a pre-fart.”

8. “No way was that a fart. See? It doesn’t stink.”

9. “Must be the dog. No, wait. We no longer have a dog. Damned floorboards.”

10. “What was that? I can’t believe you did that. Gross.”

You’re welcome.

In this amazing video, check out Frances “Baby” Gumm performing with her older sisters. She’s the one on the left. Of course Frances Gumm went on to become the woman better known as Judy Garland.

Thanks to Dick for the link.

El Cap is at it again. Check it out.