1. It pisses me off that there are so many French words in American crossword puzzles. No, I don’t speak French, nor do I care to. Some think spoken French sounds beautiful. I think it sounds like someone vomiting. I also don’t appreciate it that every damned crossword puzzle contains a “River in Africa” clue. I don’t know any goddamned African rivers. Farookin’ things are probably loaded with alligators anyway.

2. Tonight I went to a local restaurant and had one of the “Chef’s Specials.” It was a hubcap-sized plate full of meatballs, sausages, peppers and onions all covered with lashings of Italian tomato sauce (a/k/a “red gravy” — sauce made with meat). It came with a side order of capellini covered with marinara sauce. I’ve never been to North Dakota, but I have a feeling I wouldn’t be able to get that meal there.

3. Seeing as how New Jersey produces lots of cranberries, and seeing as how I’m a lifelong Garden Stater, I thought it only fitting that I buy a bottle of cranberry wine, so I did. I haven’t worked up the nerve to try it yet (sounds like something to which one should add vodka), but when I do, I’ll let you know how it worked out.

4. I see that Rosie O’Donnell will be returning to television. Yet further proof that this country is in the shitter.

5. I really need a new mouse pad, but it turns out that needing a new mouse pad is akin to needing new shoe laces: the only time you remember that you need new shoe laces is when you tie your shoes.