Over the past few weeks, I have received numerous recorded telephone calls from XYZ, Inc. (a financial institution to be named if this crap continues) directing me to call a telephone number to “manage my account.” Never having heard of XYZ, Inc. and, as such, not having an account with XYZ, Inc. I didn’t answer the phone when I saw that it was XYZ calling, hoping that the annoying phone calls would cease. As you probably have already guessed, the phone calls did not stop, but rather increased in frequency. Finally, I decided to call the number to put an end to the annoying calls.

I called the number that was stated in the recorded message, and – guess what – I got a recording, directing me to enter my “account number.” Not having an account and, therefore, no account number, I did not enter anything. The automated voice then said, “No problem, we can use your Social Security Number. Please enter your Social Security Number.” Oh, sure. I don’t know who or what XYZ, Inc. is and I have no account with XYZ, and you want my Social Security Number? Fat farookin’ chance.

When the calls continued, I went to the web page indicated in the recorded message, hoping to sort this out there. Once again, I was asked for my account number. Duh. I then tried the “Contact us” option with the idea of sending them an email. No dice. I was provided with a snail mail address.

I decided to call the number again, this time doing whatever was necessary to speak with a human being. It wasn’t easy, but I finally reached a human being. The call began with the person asking me for – wait for it – my account number.

I explained that I have no account number, because I have no account, and, indeed, I had never heard of XYZ, Inc. I advised the representative of the repeated, annoying calls to my home and my desire that they cease immediately.

She advised me that they are trying to reach a person with my first and last name, but with a different middle initial. I said, “That is not my middle initial; you have the wrong person.” She wanted to “verify my Social Security Number.” I advised her that there is no way I was giving her my Social Security Number. I agreed to give her my date of birth, which was enough to convince her that XYZ, Inc. was looking for a different person. She apologized “for the inconvenience,” (Don’t you love that?) and advised me that my telephone number would be removed from the system.

Guess what.

I received three more automated phone calls today.

I just finished writing these assholes a nastygram on legal stationary reminding them of my telephone conversation wherein XYZ, Inc. conceded that I am not the person they are looking for. I also reminded them of their obligations under the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act and demanded that all telephone calls cease immediately.

If the calls continue, it’s going to get ugly.

Assholes!