Two Rices, One Dessert. (Updated)
Waiter: Good afternoon. What can I get for you ma’am?
Condi: I’d like some ice cream. What flavors do you have?
Waiter: We have vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, banana and coffee.
Condi: I’d like a scoop of the vanilla, please.
Waiter: Would you like some whipped cream on that?
Condi: That sounds great.
Waiter: How about a cherry on top?
Condi: Excellent; thanks.
Waiter: Good afternoon. What can I get for you ma’am?
Susan: I’d like some ice cream. What flavors do you have?
Waiter: We have vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, banana and coffee.
Susan: Racist!
Waiter: Excuse me? What in heaven’s name are you talking about?
Susan: You know damned well what I’m talking about. You listed the vanilla ice cream, the white ice cream, before the ice creams of color!
Waiter: (Sigh) Whatever you say, ma’am. What flavor would you like?
Susan: Chocolate, of course.
Waiter: Would you like some whipped cream on that?
Susan: There you go again! Are you a KKK member, or something?
Waiter: I only asked you if you wanted whipped cream on your ice cream.
Susan: Code! You’re using racist code words! You think I don’t understand what you mean by “whipped?†You’re making a reference to beating slaves, and you know it. I damned sure know it!
Waiter: Ma’am, I assure you that I meant nothing of the kind. I was merely referring to a dessert topping. Speaking of which, would you like a cherry on top?
Susan: That does it! Another dog whistle, racist code word right there. “Cherry?†That’s a code word suggesting sexually promiscuity? You’re saying that black women are sexually promiscuous. You wouldn’t dare say that to a white woman.
Waiter: Ma’am, I’m afraid that I’m going to have to ask you to leave.
Susan: I’m not leaving until I speak with the manager about his hiring of rabid racists. Call your manager over here right now!
Waiter: I own the business, and, another thing. I built it myself.
Susan: You know what your problem is? Your problem is that you hate women of color.
Waiter: No. My problem is that I hate women of assholery. Now leave!
UPDATE: As a public service, we at the House by the Parkway are pleased to provide you with a Politically Correct Guide to Racism for Idiots. (via Doug Ross)
