Sgt. Hook has posted a priceless exchange of correspondence with a Spammer, one of the scores of Nigerians (unless they are all the same guy) who needs someone in the U.S. to help hm claim a truckload or two of money.

Nice going, Sarge.

Are you lonely? Are you interested in corresponding with people and making new friends? Are you interested in possibly establishing a relationship? Maybe even a long-term relationship? Are you patient?

If you’ve answered “yes” to these questions, then Jail Babe may be for you. The site contains pictures and bios of women currently in prison, who are interested in corresponding with you. Many are open to having a long term relationship, and possibly even marriage, after their release.

Consider, for example, Vikki. Her turn-ons are “kissing cuddling and candles.” Her turn-offs are “lying, cheating and abusive.” If you are interested in corresponding with Vikki, I suggest that you pay close attention to her turn-offs, as Vikki is presently incarcerated for first-degree murder. You’ll have more than ample time to develop a relationship before Vikki’s scheduled release date in 2010.

via The Ultimate Insult

I confess. I have never used an ATM, even though it seems as if everyone I know can’t seem to get along without them. During the recent power outage in the Northeast, one of the big problems was that people were walking around without money, because the ATMs were not functioning. Often, people show up late for events, explaining their lack of punctuality on having to stop at an ATM to get money.

If I were to decide tomorrow that I want to join the ATM crowd, someone would have to show me how to operate the damned things. The fact is, however, that I have no desire to have anything to do with them. That is because things that seem to always work properly for other people never seem to work for me.

I can see myself pressing the buttons to get $100 out of the machine, and getting nothing but a receipt saying, in essence, “Here is your $100.” “What hundred dollars? All I got was a slip of paper telling me that I got a hundred dollars.” What then? Argue with the machine? I’d look like a nut. Call the manager? There is no manager. Smack the shit out of the machine? That would get me arrested. In the end, it would be my word against the machine’s.

Here is a picture of what can happen to a person who must have been on her way to a bathroom but stopped at an ATM to get money, only to have the ATM not work or take too long to deliver the money. Sorry ass.

No thanks. I would rather get a couple weeks’ worth of cash from the bank, stick it in a drawer and take it as I need it. It’s much simpler. In addition, I’ll be on time for appointments, I’ll be able to get money if the power fails, and I wont have to make any stops on the way to a bathroom.

Thanks to Brian, the Air Force Vet, for the photo.

Bobby Hatfield, the blond, tenor-singing half of the Righteous Brothers died yesterday at age 63. He was found dead in his hotel room in Kalamazoo, Michigan shortly before he and Bill Medley, the other Righteous Brother, were to appear on stage.

They had been performing together for more than forty years (except for a breakup between 1968 and 1974), and few people sang better together. In 1964, they took the rock and roll world by storm with “You’ve Lost that Loving Feeling.” Probably their next most memorable tune was a re-make of the 1955 Al Hibbler hit, “Unchained Melody,” which figured prominently in the film “Ghost.”

I recently saw the Righteous Brothers perform on one of those oldies concerts on public television, and they both could still sing their asses off, and they appeared to love doing it.

They were inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame earlier this year.

As they sang in their 1974 hit, “Rock and Roll Heaven,”

If you believe in forever,
Then life is just a one-night stand.
If there’s a rock and roll heaven,
well you know they’ve got a hell of a band.

Well, now they’ve also got a hell of a singer.

Well, Jersey voters did it again, only this time they did it in spades. Not only did just about all the incumbent democrats get re-elected, but the democrats also picked up seats in the assembly and the senate. This gives the democrats control of the senate and the assembly.

Democrat senate. Democrat assembly. Democrat Governor. Democrat U.S. Senators. My congressman, pathetic joke that he is, is also is a democrat.

When it comes to politics in the Garden State, I feel somewhat akin to a Cubs fan.

It is up and running at Wizbang. Go read.

Last night I followed a link from Trying to Grok to a string of posts in the Democratic Underground that began with one entitled “I hope the bloodshed continues in Iraq.” The original post and those that followed it gnawed at me all day.

The post also caught Andrew Sullivan’s attention, and it was even read on the air by Mark Levin on WABC radio. The link to the original Democratic Underground post is HERE. As you will note, the Democratic Underground has since taken down the page. However, Andrew Sullivan obtained a copy of the original post and put it up on his site.

One likes to think that the woman who wrote the piece in the Democratic Underground and the miscreants who applauded her are not representative of the democrat mainstream. Then again, perhaps the only difference between the woman who wrote the post and mainstream democrats is that she openly stated her desire for more American deaths a providing “the only way to get rid of this slime bag WASP-Mafia, oil barron [sic] ridden cartel of a government….”

TacJammer in, “Death and Partisan Politics,” urges that democrat politicians silently hold similar views, and take full political advantage of mounting combat deaths while paying lip-service to “supporting the troops.”

While Ryan at Tasty Manatees does not attribute evil motives to democrats, he points out that the effect of the positions they have taken and statements they have made virtually assure more deaths. Sadly, I believe that he is exactly right.

Update: Russ, of TacJammer, and the author of the ““Death and Partisan Politics,” post referred to above, questioned my word choice (specifically, my use of the word “urges”) in describing his post. He is concerned that readers might think that he supports politicians’ taking political advantage of mounting casualties in Iraq. I certainly did not mean to create that impression. In fact, his excellent post makes it abundantly clear that he is sickened by such conduct on the part of politicians. I should have chosen my words more carefully, and I apologize for any confusion I may have caused.

As is my custom, I went to the polls to vote in the morning, prior to going to work. I have found it to be a good time to vote, because, even on presidential election days, there is never a wait.

On the way to the polls, I wondered if the “poll blockers” would be there. These are the party hacks campaign workers whose job it is to stand on the sidewalk and hand out slips of paper showing their candidate’s name. I have always found this practice to be annoying and, frankly, insulting. Do they really think that handing someone walking into the polling place a slip of paper on which appears a name will cause anyone to vote for that person? After weeks of shit-slinging, campaigning, is badgering voters one more time really necessary?

In past years, I have looked forward to explaining to the “poll blockers” (irrespective of party affiliation) that the law requires them to remain 100 feet from the polling place, and that they had to stand behind the yellow lines that are drawn on the pavement for exactly that purpose. Each year, they follow my instructions, at least until they see me exit the polls and drive away, at which time I have no doubt that they call me a shithead refer to me uncharitably and resume their annoying and illegal positions close to the entrance to the polls.

Today I was pleasantly surprised to see that the annoying bastards party faithful were actually standing behind the yellow lines. The word must be out in my district to beware of the nut who bitches at the “poll blockers.” Good. First Amendment jurisprudence permits reasonable restrictions on the time, place and manner of speech. Requiring these annoying turds campaign workers to stand behind the yellow line to prevent them from standing at the door to the polling place is most certainly a reasonable “place” restriction.

Upon entering the polling place (the gymnasium), I located the table (one of about six) that was set up for my local voting district. On the front of the table, and on the left as one looked at the table, was a hand-lettered sign that read “M-Z.” To the right of that, another sign read “A-L.” It seemed to me that the signs should have been reversed, but what the hell.

Behind each sign sat two little old ladies, each with her free coffee and bun. There was no one else there to vote, so I stepped right up to the “A-L” sign and said my name. One of the “A-L” ladies announced that she was “taking her break.” I thought, A break? The polls have been open for only about an hour. The remaining “A-L” lady had to look around in a box behind the table for the sign-in book. Christ, am I the first voter in the damned district? Meanwhile, the “M-Z” ladies were comparing notes about arthritis medicine.

The lone “A-L” lady was having trouble finding my name, even though the voters in the sign-in book are listed alphabetically. At one point, I had considered asking if I could find my own name, but I was in no particular rush, and I was getting a kick out of watching the little old ladies do their thing. They looked and cooed like the Monty Python old ladies, except that these little old ladies sounded like Edith Bunker.

Finally, the “A-L” lady found my name, and I signed in. I had to sign one more slip of paper, one half of which was torn from a pad and handed to me. At that point, one of the “M-Z” ladies stood and manned the voting machine and took my little slip of paper. I entered the high-tech, electronic voting booth and cast my ballot by pushing the screen next to the desired candidate, thereby displaying an electronic “X” next to the name.

Voting is something that always makes me feel good, even though I usually come out on the losing side in this democrat stronghold. I expect that this year the outcome will be no different. I think the democrats could run Darth Vader and win in my district, town, county and state.

As I was leaving, I got to wondering whether there is an agency somewhere that provides such an ample supply of sweet, but generally confused, little old ladies on election day.

“Poll blockers,” high tech voting machines, and low tech little old ladies. That’s America, and I love it.

Pay attention, class. This is important stuff. And, there will be a quiz.

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They’re old hat)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren’t necessary and shouldn’t be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
17. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
19. The passive voice is to be ignored.
20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
22. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
23. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.
24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
25. If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
26. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
27. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
28. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
29. Who needs rhetorical questions?
30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

And the last one…

31. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

Thanks to my friend Brian, the Air Force Vet.

Gary Turner, a/k/a Gary “Stretch” Turner, showed up at the launch of the 2004 Guinness Book of Records seeking to make history. Who is Gary Turner you ask? Shame on you. Mr. Turner happens to hold the world’s record for the having the most clothespins clipped to his face (153 clothespins). He came to beat his own record. Unfortunately, Gary came up short this year, as his face could only hold 150 clothespins. Check out the story and picture here.

Better luck next year, Gary. In the meantime, stay out of the sun.

via Attu Sees All